THE Ultimate Fictional World
by deep.lilac
Summary: Twilight, Death Note, Harry Potter, Heroes, House, Artemis Fowl, Holden Claudfield, Woody Allen and some other people. Dark humor. The cast changes except for Death Note and Twilight.
1. English Wikipedia

DISCLAMER: I don't own Twilight, Death Note, and Harry Potter.  
Yeah, this actually happened. I can't believe it either and on the first  
day of school to.  
"Shea?" Alex asked me.  
"What?"  
"Did you notice something different about our class?"  
I was in English with my best friend when I realized that I knew almost no  
one- not really.  
Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Light Yagami, L,  
Misa-Misa, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter were in my class. I wondered  
where Ron Weasly was.  
The teacher said something, but who cares what she had to say? There were  
fictional people in my class. It was then that Ron arrived.  
"Bloody hell, Harry, I had to take a school bus," Ron said with a British  
accent, staring at Rosalie.  
"Glad you made it, mate." Harry said.  
"Hello, Ronald." Hermione adjusted a pile of books.  
Light was adjusting his school supplies too. What a clean freak.  
"We'll sit in a circle and repeat our names along with something that we  
like," our teacher announced, as if this was kindergarten, "Like my name  
is Emma Doore, and I like English!"  
We still sat at our desks, and Harry started.  
"I'm Harry Potter and I like Hogwarts."  
"I'm Alice Cullen and I like Aeropostale, Abercrombie, Aldo, American  
eagle,-"  
"Just one word, Alice." interrupted.  
"Hi, I'm Light Yagami and I like…" Light was thinking, I can't  
think of anything that will make L suspect me of being Kira… Edward Cullen  
read his mind and wondered what a 'Kira' was, "I like Lebanon." Take  
that, L! Edward had no idea what he meant.  
"I'm Rosalie and I love roses."  
"I'm Emmett and I love Rosalie."  
"'Emmett' doesn't start with an 'R' though, Emmett."  
corrected.  
"I'm Ron and I like Rosalie…" Ron had a dreamy look and Emmett looked  
like he was about to punch him.  
"Try not to choose names, Ron." The teacher wrote something in a  
notebook.  
"Hi, I'm Bella and I like… b… battles!"  
"I'm Shea and I like songs."  
"I'm Misa, and Misa-Misa likes Mary-Jane's!" Emmett gave a  
"why-does-she-walk-about-herself-in-third-person?" look.  
"Go Misa!" Alice made a fist into the air.  
"I'm Jasper and I like joy."  
"I'm Alex and I like Arcade Fire."  
"I'm Hermione Granger and I like hope."  
"I'm L, and I like-"  
"What?"She flipped through the class list, then frowned, "Oh, you."  
"I'm L, and I like lemon-cake."  
"I'm Edward Cullen and I like eating."  
"Good job!"She seemed to still think this class was kindergarten.  
"Since you are in English Honors, then you would've read 'To Kill a  
Mockingbird'. I would like to know your opinions."  
Misa raised her hand, "Misa thinks that it was, confusing."  
"I thought it was marvelous literature about pride and humanity. I read it  
nine times." Said Hermione she seemed satisfied with herself.  
"*Cough* Ask *cough* Jasper *cough*" Emmett coughed.  
He Turned to Jasper, and he made everyone trust him. "It was good." He  
said quickly, and lightly.  
"The book never ended… it just went on and on…" Alex complained.  
"Muggles are interesting." Ron laughed.  
Only Light heard Ryuk say, "I agree."  
No one said anything for a while, and changed the subject.  
"Did anyone read any other books in the summer?"  
"Yep, the Host, by Stephanie Meyer." Shea said. Bella's eyes widen and  
she fell off her chair.  
"This year's Almanac." Light looked proud.  
"I read a French/English dictionary." Hermione looked the way Light just  
did.  
"Oxford's Dictionary." Light glared at her.  
"World Book Encyclopedia." Hermony competed.  
It was silent when they glared at each other.  
"Wikipedia." L said.  
No one said anything after that.  
Please comment or I won't write anymore.

Thanks, Sublima, for "beta reading". I had to Google that term (beta reader), then I reread the first chapter, and realized how bad it was.


	2. You Don't Know War Jasper

Sublima is my Beta Reader.

DISCLAMER: I don't own Twilight, Death Note, and Harry Potter.  
Yeah, this actually happened. I can't believe it either and on the first  
day of school to.  
"Shea?" Alex asked me.  
"What?"  
"Did you notice something different about our class?"  
I was in English with my best friend when I realized that I knew almost no  
one- not really.  
Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Light Yagami, L,  
Misa-Misa, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter were in my class. I wondered  
where Ron Weasly was.  
The teacher said something, but who cares what she had to say? There were  
fictional people in my class. It was then that Ron arrived.  
"Bloody hell, Harry, I had to take a school bus," Ron said with a British  
accent, staring at Rosalie.  
"Glad you made it, mate." Harry said.  
"Hello, Ronald." Hermione adjusted a pile of books.  
Light was adjusting his school supplies too. What a clean freak.  
"We'll sit in a circle and repeat our names along with something that we  
like," our teacher announced, as if this was kindergarten, "Like my name  
is Emma Doore, and I like English!"  
We still sat at our desks, and Harry started.  
"I'm Harry Potter and I like Hogwarts."  
"I'm Alice Cullen and I like Aeropostale, Abercrombie, Aldo, American  
eagle,-"  
"Just one word, Alice." interrupted.  
"Hi, I'm Light Yagami and I like…" Light was thinking, I can't  
think of anything that will make L suspect me of being Kira… Edward Cullen  
read his mind and wondered what a 'Kira' was, "I like Lebanon." Take  
that, L! Edward had no idea what he meant.  
"I'm Rosalie and I love roses."  
"I'm Emmett and I love Rosalie."  
"'Emmett' doesn't start with an 'R' though, Emmett."  
corrected.  
"I'm Ron and I like Rosalie…" Ron had a dreamy look and Emmett looked  
like he was about to punch him.  
"Try not to choose names, Ron." The teacher wrote something in a  
notebook.  
"Hi, I'm Bella and I like… b… battles!"  
"I'm Shea and I like songs."  
"I'm Misa, and Misa-Misa likes Mary-Jane's!" Emmett gave a  
"why-does-she-walk-about-herself-in-third-person?" look.  
"Go Misa!" Alice made a fist into the air.  
"I'm Jasper and I like joy."  
"I'm Alex and I like Arcade Fire."  
"I'm Hermione Granger and I like hope."  
"I'm L, and I like-"  
"What?"She flipped through the class list, then frowned, "Oh, you."  
"I'm L, and I like lemon-cake."  
"I'm Edward Cullen and I like eating."  
"Good job!"She seemed to still think this class was kindergarten.  
"Since you are in English Honors, then you would've read 'To Kill a  
Mockingbird'. I would like to know your opinions."  
Misa raised her hand, "Misa thinks that it was, confusing."  
"I thought it was marvelous literature about pride and humanity. I read it  
nine times." Said Hermione she seemed satisfied with herself.  
"*Cough* Ask *cough* Jasper *cough*" Emmett coughed.  
He Turned to Jasper, and he made everyone trust him. "It was good." He  
said quickly, and lightly.  
"The book never ended… it just went on and on…" Alex complained.  
"Muggles are interesting." Ron laughed.  
Only Light heard Ryuk say, "I agree."  
No one said anything for a while, and changed the subject.  
"Did anyone read any other books in the summer?"  
"Yep, the Host, by Stephanie Meyer." Shea said. Bella's eyes widen and  
she fell off her chair.  
"This year's Almanac." Light looked proud.  
"I read a French/English dictionary." Hermione looked the way Light just  
did.  
"Oxford's Dictionary." Light glared at her.  
"World Book Encyclopedia." Hermony competed.  
It was silent when they glared at each other.  
"Wikipedia." L said.  
No one said anything after that.  
Please comment or I won't write anymore.


	3. Health Class

Ms

Disclamer: I do not own Twilight, Death Note, Harry Potter.

Ms.Radley wrote the important points of her class on a whiteboard. Her whiteboard said: Health Class. Her handwriting was very loopy that few of the students could understand what she wrote.

"You are to address me as Ms.Radley," Ms.Radley said, her voice very monotonous. "I'll be teaching you about health."

Misa raised her hand, "Why did you scribble?"

Ms.Radley gave Misa a look, "It's cursive."

"Misa doesn't know what's 'cursive'." Misa said.

Ms.Radley looked at her class list, and instantly picked up a few names. "Edward Cullen? Where are you? Good. If you tutor," she looked down at her notes with the little blurbs about each student. "…Misa, I'll give you extra credit."

By now, Alex and Shea weren't surprised about who was in their every class.

Ms.Radley saw Mello, "Throw away the chocolate bar; it's not healthy. As a class activity, we'll be making healthy pancakes. Get into two groups.

They made about thirty pancakes.

Ms.Radley re-looked at her classlist with the blurbs while everyone ate pancakes.

Light asked Ryuuk to go into another room for now so Harry wouldn't spaz.

"Why aren't you eating," Harry asked.

"I'm allergic to… maple syrup." Emmett lied. "Rosalie doesn't want to eat food with so much artificial stuff, Alice and Jasper have an eating disorder, and Edward just hates pancakes."

"Nice going," Jasper muttered. Bella laughed.

"What _is_ this?" Ron looked at his plate, "Do muggles usually eat this, Harry?"

"I don't know. I never get food at the Durslies'." Harry said

Misa poked the pancakes, declared that they were "gross", and didn't eat them because she didn't want to gain weight. L told her that if she thought, then thinking would use up the calories. Misa said she hated him.

No one ate any of the pancakes, so Ms.Radley started another topic, healthy eating.

"Healthy eating is important. For one week you'll be recording all of the food you eat on this paper," Ms.Randley held up papers and everyone got one.

Mello started filling out his paper.

"What are you doing?" Ms.Radley looked at Mello, "You have to wait until you eat! How can you fill out what your going to eat tomarrow?"

Mello was in day three of the paper.

"I always eat the same thing." Mello answered, still writing.

"You can't do that." Ms.Radley walked to Mello, snatching his paper.

"Hey!"

"Chocolate?" Ms.Radley asked, "Is this a joke? Because you have to fill out this paper _truthfully_."

Alice nudged Jasper.

"It's the truth! I _only_ eat chocolate, lady!" Mello stood up.

"Then you wouldn't be alive now." Ms.Radley handed him his paper back.

"Look at me." Mello's voice was dangerously low, "I eat always eat chocolate, and I'm still alive."

"Then I'm changing your assignment." Ms.Radley said just as dangerously, "Your assignment is to not eat any chocolate for the week."

Mello just stared at her.

_I wonder what I'll put down,_ Emmett thought, _grizzly bear and brown bear?_

L decided not to tell Ms.Radley anything and seeing from what she did to Mello, he also decided to lie about what he ate.

"Says here that we have to fill out what we had for breakfast today, Hermony." Ron pulled out a pencil. "This morning I had bacon, eggs, toast, orange juice, oatmeal, and a butter beer. What did you have, Harry?"

"I just came here from the Duddies', so I didn't eat."

"How did you get here?" Hermony asked.

"Flopowder." Harry wrote down 'nothing' for breakfast, day one.

L was writing.

"How can you _possibly_ write like that, L?" Hermony wondered.

"I don't know what you mean, Hermony."

"It's nothing, really… it's just that your writing only using two fingers." L looked at her, and continued writing.

"What did you have for breakfast?" Ms.Radley asked L.

"Salad, pasta, garlic bread, and wine." L lied.

"You did? Then I think this class needs to know about alcohol, and it's addiction." Ms.Radley quickly flipped through a binder, "Thank you for admitting that you have an addiction. That's very responsible of you, even though it's a horrible habit." For the first time, L looked confused.

"You eat salad, bread and pasta for dinner," Hermony whispered.

"If any of you have an unhealthy habit, you can tell me." Ms.Radley sniffed, "My daughter was an alcoholic… but she recovered… It's important that you know that there is no reason to drink. Absolutely no reason. Your young, and should be the healthiest in your teen years… 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'."

Light stared at her, _does she know? She might've been used to make L sure that I'm Kira…_

Edward wondered what a "Kira" was.

_Edward, _Alice thought,_ Have you ever seen a black notebook that says 'Death Note'?. Misa-Misa was drawing one in history. _Edward shook his head 'no'.

"What's your name?" Ms.Radley asked L.

"L."

"Well, L. I'm writing a pass for you to go to the guidance councilor now." She handed him a note.

L walked away, crumpled up the note, and went home.

"Since he went home, I'll be continuing our healthy food discussion. You should have 6-11 servings of grains a day, 3-5 servings of vegetables, 2-4 servings of fruits, 2-3 servings of dairy and meat, and try not to eat much of fats, oils and sweets." She glanced at Mello.

"How much is a serving of meat?" Rosalie raised her hand.

"About one cup."

Rosalie looked down.

Alex and Shea looked at each other with a is-she-serious look.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclamer: I do not own Twilight, Harry Potter, Twilight. (is it necessary to have a disclaimer on if it's a site dedicated to _fan_-fiction?)

Health just ended and they're in study hall.

"Why are they in our high school class anyways?" Shea asked Alex. "Aren't Light and L 20, Edward, over 100? We're in high school, not college… or the grave.

"I don't know." Alex wondered, "Do you think Ryuk's here?"

"Yeah, I think Harry mistook him for Voldemort." Shea said.

Ron gasped, "You said _you-know-who's _name!"

"Duh."

"Bella, will you go out with me?" Mike asked.

Bella held out her left hand. "I'm engaged, Mike." Mike's smile turned into depression.

"Oh." Mike walked away. No one ever saw him again, except a few people who noticed a person flinging himself over a bridge in later hours.

"Cool, so you think Ryuk's here, Shea?"

"Light's here, so yep." Shea answered.

"I'm going to bring some apples tomorrow, for, you know, to be nice to the god of death and all." Alex mused, "Does he like Galas' or Fugji?"

"Fugji. They're better." Shea said.

"Misa _knows_! Gucci and DKNY don't go together!" Misa had finally left Light and talked to Alice again.

"But True Religion dark wash skinny jeans and Chanel work." Alice continued, "Bella? Your not doing anything on Friday, right?"

"No…" Bella looked cautiously at Edward. He just smiled.

"Good, then Misa-Misa, you and I can go shopping!"

Bella looked sad, and Edward looked sympathetically at her.

"Your so pretty," Ron had a dreamy look, spoke to Rosalie.

"Ron, _seriously_, your _scaring_ her…" Hermony pulled at Ron's sleeve.

"Voldemort will die!" Harry yelled at no one in particular. "Ahh! A white dementor!!" Misa accidentally let Harry touch her death note. "Expecto Pantronum!"

Bella screamed and got thrown back by the spell.

"Bella!" Edward ran to her, "Bella, can you hear me…?"

Rem didn't move.

Harry fainted.

Hermony grabbed one of Mello's chocolate bars and gave it to Harry.

"He must've seen Rem," Alex whispered to Shea.

"Th-thanks, Hermony," Harry woke up. "Ahh!" He saw Rem, and fainted again.

"Gimme back my chocolate, girl." Mello wanted his chocolate back.

"No, Harry needs it."

"Well," Shea started, every but Harry looked at her, "We have driving lessons when school's over!"

"Oh yeah!" Alex made a fist and brought it down.

"Misa is happy! What do we have now, Alice?"

"Piano." Alice had memorized her schedule days before school started.

Ron and Jasper helped drag Harry to the nurse then went to class.


	5. Bye Bye Piano

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, Harry Potter, Death Note

Note: Mello doesn't swear in this. Sorry for being unrealistic.

L came back because he was threatened by the Mr.Parr, the principal, not that he really wanted L in his school, except it was rules. Harry couldn't come because he was unconcious and went to the emergency room.

The piano teacher explained how the class was self paced, and if anyone had any questions to just ask. The classroom had about twenty keyboards with headphones and an actual piano in the fount of the whiteboard.

L took his index finger and poked the keys untill there was a song.

"Your really good, how long have you been playing?" someone asked him.

"Never." He ignored the piano book now, and started playing a fast and complex piece using only his two index fingers.

The teacher came over, "_That_, is not the proper way to play the piano. You have to lay all fingers on the keys..." she continued about that for a while, and told him to sit straight.

Edward started practicing with his headphones on.

"I'll be checking on everyone's practice, and recording the level your on. Start with the book: Very Easy Piano for the Beginner." The teacher already had the book next to every keyboard.

Edward opened to the first song. It went: C, C, C, C… He flipped to the last, and hardest song in the book: E, D, C, D, E, E, E… (Mary Had a Little Lamb)

"I've played piano before," Edward raised his hand.

"Then you can try this book," She gave him a song: Twinkle Little Star.

"I'm on a harder level," His voice was monotone as he addressed the teacher.

"Wow, then your very good at playing the piano. Most students don't even get to this next piece," She gave him: Fur Elise.

"This is too easy," He gave the piece back to the teacher, who seemed annoyed at him.

"Then would you like to demonstrate to the whole class what you _can_ play?"

"Sure." She hadn't expected him to walk over to the center piano.

He started a complex piece, chords, scales along with harmoniously written notes that seemed to take eight hands, were played perfectly. The song lasted a while, and ended. (links to the song in my profile)

"Why did you sign up for this class?" she asked.

"This was the only class available besides Heath, English, or History." He answered.

"Why didn't you sign up for that instead?"

"Well," there were two reasons; one: Bella, and two, "I had Health, English, and History earlier."

"Then go… practice whatever you want." She shooed him off to a keyboard.

Mello didn't understand, "Stupid keys," he muttered, "What idiot would…"

"Excuse me," the teacher looked accusingly at Mello.

"I quit."

"You can't."

"Watch me." He took out a gun and shot the keyboard, which exploded the keyboard, causing nearby keyboards to melt. He walked out of her class.

"Detention!" she screamed at Mello, but he was gone.

Alice explained to Misa what a "key" was, and how to read the notes.

Light memorized the notes. _Letters equal notes, which equal sounds. I could have my next victim play something which spells out a taunt to L… Using the letters: A, B, C, D, E, F, G... I could spell... what can I spell? C, A, B, B, A, G, E! He only eats confections, so if I played the fallowing notes that spelled out a vegitable, then that would be taunting. He can't suspect I'm Kira from that, and if he does use it as evidence than I can say that I was only trying to compose a piece, then I would act sad, thus winning sympathy of the investigation team. Brilliant!_

Edward thought Light was insane.

The teacher had stormed out of her classroom, and no one really knew where she was.

"_That_ was entertaining," Alex grinned.

"Think he'll be back?" Shea mused.

"I hope so." Alex sighed, wondering about tomarrow.

So another class ended early, and the students found themselves bored of the keyboards and ditched class. That was their last class until lunch (which no one wanted to go to), so they went home to wait until driving class; no one really wanted to go to math (which was after lunch), except Light an Hermony who cared about their grades.


	6. I eat human food, not innocent deer

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Harry Potter, Death Note

"What took you so long?!" Mello shouted at Matt, who brought along a friend, "Who the hell is that?!"

"The trip from there to here took a while, and this is Tom." Matt said. Jasper crumpled from emotional pain.

"I am Lord Voldemort, not 'Tom', idiot. Call me that and I might have to torture you." Tom looked about fifteen.

Mello's attitude changed, "This guy's cool," he took a bit out of a chocolate bar, "He has this whole attitude thing like 'don't mess with me'."

"Voldemort!" Harry screamed.

"Restrain him!" Hermony's eyes widened. Emmett restrained Harry from hurting Tom.

"But. He. Killed. My. Parents!" Harry gasped for air because Emmett grabbed Harry by the neck.

"A murderer killed by parents too." Misa told Harry, "But then Kira killed the murderer. You should tell Kira to kill Voldemort for you!"

"Where's Kira, then, Ms.Amane?" L asked. He had his usual creepy vacant look.

"Uh…" Misa looked worried.

"Stop scaring her," Bella started.

"I don't understand, Ms.Swan." L looked away from Misa and stared at Bella. Misa ran to Light.

"Your scary." Bella pointed at him.

"She's right." Shea pointed out.

"How, Ms.Shea?"

Jacob Black came into the homeroom.

"Jacob!" Bella hugged him.

Alex came over to Shea.

So Shea told him why he was scary. "You'll like, eight feet tall, your eyes make you look like a fish, no offence, you always wear the same clothes, you come up with these insights, hold things only using two fingers, never using your real name, you always eat basically the same thing, you don't sit, stand or walk normal, you've erased your past… you basically look dead." Shea listed. Emmett almost rolled her eyes. Look dead?

"And you act in this creepy way," Alex shuttered.

"Interesting thoughts." L walked away.

The homeroom teacher arrived. "How was the driving lesson?" He asked the class. No one answered. Truth was, it didn't go well. Draco and Near arrived when driving lesson started. Ron hit someone because he was looking at Rosalie, Edward scared the instructor by driving at 90 mph, Misa got mad at her instructor, and killed her using death note, Mello crashed into Near's car, and Draco bewitched his car to beat Harry, which caused the car to disappear, along with the teacher inside.

"So, want to join the Mafia, Tom?" Mello ate more chocolate.

"You can give me power to kill Harry. Sure." Tom shook hands with Mello.

"Love your hair," Alice skipped to Mello, "What do you use?"

"Herbal Ess-" Mello stopped, "What?"

"Rosalie, she uses Herbal Essence!" Alice called to Rosalie over the room. Mello seemed to be disturbed. "Did I say something wrong?"

Matt laughed. Mello looked darkly at the floor before pulling out a gun and shooting Alice.

"LOL! That tickled!" Alice giggled. Mello stood where he was in shock.

The homeroom teacher fainted of shock that one of his students just shot someone.

Harry fainted yet again from lack of air.

"Did the famous Harry Potter faint?" Draco did an impression of Harry fainting.

"Shut up, Malfoy." Ron pulled out a broken wand.

"Allow me," Hermony punch him.

"It's just like _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban!_" Alex meant Hermony punching Draco.

"Hunh?" Hermony turned to Alex.

Misa looked at Near's finger puppets. "Is that Misa? Ohmygod, Misa's fat!"

Rosalie saw Near.

"Aw… Your so adorable…" Rosalie's voice became soft, "You remind me of…"

"How old are you, Near?" Jasper came and asked Near.

"Sixteen."

"Really?" Rosalie looked shock.

"Ha, Emmett." Jasper held out a hand. Emmett shoved his car keys to Jasper.

"Can you blame me?" Emmett wanted his car back. He lost the bet, "He looks more like seven."

"Alice." Jasper replied.

"Bella, how are you? Are you still with that leech, sorry," Jacob noticed Bella cringing, "I mean _Edward_. How are you?"

"I'm fine, Jacob." Bella answered.

"Do I look like a 'creepy', Mr.Hale?" L asked Jasper. Jasper didn't answer. "You didn't answer, that means there's an 80 that it's 'yes'."

"You could always die your shirts pink, or something," Shea told L.

Mello was fuming, "Why does everyone think I'm some freaking girl?!"

"The hair, chocolate, chic black outfit…" Hermony told Mello.

"Shut up!"

"Here," Alice handed Mello a drawing. "It's your new look." Mello looked from the paper to Alice and back. "The dark wash jeans would look great with a blue Polo."

"I'm not wearing a stupid Polo!" he ripped the paper.

"Then try a black Polo, it'd still look great." Alice told him, "So much leather gives too much of a bad 1950's greaser-1990's cool look. It doesn't go with your hair," Alice explained sadly.

"Hell. Tell Matt about his fashion. He's the one wearing freaking goggles! I don't need your ideas!" Mello said glared at Matt.

Alice looked at Matt, "But his style is coordinated. The shirt looks great with jacket, sunglasses and hair."

"She's right." Misa supported Alice's thought.

"Why did you come, dog?" Edward growled at Jacob.

"At least I didn't ditch her and try suicide, leech."

"Canine."

"Mosquito."

"Violent."

"I eat human food, not innocent deer."

"Stop…" Bella longed for her best friend and fiancé to not fight.

"Sorry, Bella. I know it's not an excuse, but there are many things on my mind." Edward explained kindly.

There were many things on Edward's mind. Everyone was thinking.


	7. Mall

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Harry Potter, Death Note.

They ditched school. The homeroom teacher had fainted. Anyways, there was nothing better to do than go to a nearby mall.

"We should go to the mall." Alex suggested.

"Misa loves the mall!" Misa wore a smile.

"It's only a short drive away," Jasper thought to Edward, _We could use your Volvo…_

"Why did you take the driving test then?"

"It's fun." Emmett shrugged.

"We could perfect our apparition!" Hermony said.

"I can drive your car, L," Light told L, meaning the limo, "I took a driving test in Japan before."

They drove and apparated to the mall and entered by the food court. Mello went straight to Ghirardelli.

"This is much more fun than school!" Alice pulled Misa into to some clothing store.

Bella and Edward went to a bookstore. Edward would look at CDs.

"Do you think they've read Twilight, Alex?" Shea asked.

"No idea." Alex answered.

L went to Starbucks.

Tom and Matt were trying to find Mello to scheme.

Near sat at a table, stacking the sugar that came in little paper containers.

"That's so sweet, Near." Rosalie's looked at Near as if he were some lost puppy.

"She could adopt," Alex whispered to Shea.

Ron stared at Rosalie, "Your pretty.…"

Emmett growled.

"Senor citizen," Shea muttered under her breath.

"What?" Emmett spun around.

"I'm going to, get some stuff..." Shea ran away to the nearest store without thinking. Hot Topic.

A woman with long, wavy brown hair stood yards away from Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper; her eyes were wide.

"Shea! Come here!" Alex yelled.

"What?" Shea had a bag. "Oh wow."

"Will you sign my book?" Alex wondered aloud to the woman.

"You didn't bring one, Alex,"

"Wait." Alex ran into a bookstore and bought Twilight.

Matt, Mello, and Tom were in Ghirardelli.

"What's wrong with him?" Tom inquired. Mello started on another chocolate bar.

"No idea, he might be addicted," Matt shrugged.

"Hey! No smoking here!" The person at the counter told Matt.

Back at the food court:

Light was thinking, _I must come up with another deceitful plan to murder L. Misa had traded for the eyes two times, and her loyalty to Kira should not be wasted. Those people with wands seem to have supernatural powers to. I hate the English._

"Can I have your autograph?" Alex held up a copy of Twilight and a pen to the woman.

The woman looked at the Cullens. "They're… just as I imagined…"

"I'll get you a rubric's cube, Near," Rosalie acted as if she were talking to a five year-old.

"I am sixteen, Rosalie. Please stop." Near was still stacking stuff.

L came back with a coffee.

Bella and Edward also came back with some books.

"Oh, no…" Bella cried when she saw the woman.

"I believe you can read minds, Mr.Cullen." L stared fixedly at Edward, "Who is Kira?"

Edward read L's mind, _I know you can read minds, Mr.Cullen. Who is Kira?_

"I don't know." He lied, going to Bella who looked unexcitedly at Stephanie Meyer.

"You look exactly like how I pictured, wow. Amazing costumes!" Stephanie smiled at the Cullens before walking away.

"Thanks, Jasper," Bella whispered.

Shea sat down at a table, very innocently taking out her purchase.

"Shea, I got Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and the Host signed!" Alex dropped the books on the table. "Did you get that at Hot Topic?"

"And they come with a key, too!" Shea held up a tiny key. "I'm not going to do anything, just wear them as a fashion statement." She wrapped the handcuffs/chain as a belt.

"That's such a cute idea!" Misa said, "Where did you get them? Misa's going to get a handcuff-belt too!"

Tom was showing Mello the Unforgivable Curses.

"'Crucio' had a nice ring," Matt said.

Bella went to one of the food-places and bought an apple. She said dreamily, "Apples just remind me of you, Edward. I'm not sure why…" She held the apple in one hand. "What?! Where's the apple?!"

Ryuuk liked apples too.

Author's note: I've run out of ideas.


	8. Chantico

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Harry Potter, Death Note.

Hello," Ms.Jeg brought out the single word, I'm Ms.Jean-Gregory, or Jeg. You can call me either." She was in her early twenties, to bring out our acting skills, we'll be playing a game. Can you get up?" The class stood up, and stand in a circle? Good. When you get this ball," she held up a plastic ball the size of her hand, you have to pretend that this isn't a ball. You can't say what it is though. Start out with this is not a ball'."

Her class had mixed emotions. Drama class does that to people, so did Jasper.

Ms.Jeg took the ball and very professionally, pretended to eat it. Ryuuk narrowed his eyes. Then she threw the ball to Jasper.

"This is not a ball," Jasper said, and pulled an invisible plug out of the ball and shield himself.

"That's good." Ms.Jeg smiled, "A grenade!"

Bella caught the ball, and thought for a moment; she pet the ball and crooned, "Aww… isn't it cute?"

Light pretend that it was soap, and passed it to Hermony, who flipped the ball upside down and spoke a few words.

"What is it, Harmony?" Ron said flatly.

"Isn't is obvious, Ron? I'm pretending that this is a bowl-toad. We learned about this in Care of Magical Creatures."

Harry got the ball and dropped it.

"Oh, is it an oracle? From the Department of Mysteries?" Hermony asked.

"Yes."

Misa held the ball over her head and said, "Eureka!" Alex tried very hard not to laugh, causing Misa to chuck the ball at her.

"Hmm…" Alex thought, "This is not a ball." She pretended to drink.

"Extra-Hot-Organic-Decaf-Chocolate-Macchiato-Americano-Mocha-Ristretto-Hazelnut-and-Irish-creme?" L asked.

"No, it's a Chantico." Alex answered.

"Chantico?" Mello had a glint in his eyes that freaked Alex out.

"Y-yeah… Here" She tossed the ball to Mello. Mello hit Matt with the ball.

It's a crowbar." Mello gave Tom the ball.

Tom muttered a spell and threw it at Harry, who fell over.

"Harry had a turn," Mr.Jeg went over and gave Near the ball, "by the way: very good unconscious-acting, Harry."

Near wiped the ball with his shirt like one would do with an apple, and ate the toy.

"Figures," Shea shrugged, "I've only seen him with toys. I wonder how he digests the robots though…"

"Why did you eat the ball, Near?" Ms.Jeg looked accusingly at him.

"I was famished."

"If he wanted to eat, then let him!" Rosalie shouted, "You don't have be mean to him. Can't you see he's a 7-year-old prodigy?"

"He can't be seven… this is high school!" the teacher defended her point.

"He just wants to fit in. If he admitted to being 7, then the upperclassmen would pick on him!"

"I'm not seven, Rosalie."

Rosalie, who ignored Near, was still yelling at Ms.Jeg.

"Rosalie, calm down," Emmett said.

"She can murder, but she can't have someone hurt a kid. Why not adopt?" Shea muttered.

"Okay, Rosalie, go to the principal, and we'll do another drama-game." Ms.Jeg pointed to the exit. After Rosalie left, Ms.Jeg got smiley again. "Okay, in this game, one normal person sits on the bench," there was a bench on the stage, "And the next person tries to scare the person to get off the bench! Get in line!"

Ms.Jean-Gregory sat on the bench, and Emmett sat down, all cool-like. At least Rosalie wasn't there.

"Hey," Emmett sat closer to her. It was acting, not real, yeah… that would be his excuse.

"Hi." Ms.Jeg said.

"Ah, look over there," Emmett casually put an arm behind her neck. This was suppose to scare her. Oddly, she sank into the bench; her eyes had a melted look. Emmett looked at Edward, who shrugged. Alex coughed.

"Oh," Ms.Jean-Gregory blinked, and acted out being scared, and got up.

Emmett took her seat, and Tom sat next to him.

"Mud-Blood." Tom glared at him.

"Funny you say that," Emmett suppressed a cough.

"Inferior..." Tom took out his dark diary (the one that can transport you in memory). Light shifted position. Emmett looked at the notebook weird, and left.

Tom was suppose to be normal now, but he didn't change. Misa took a seat. She looked at him, hugged him. Lord Voldemort shivered at ran out of the classroom.

Alex sat next to Misa.

"Hi," Alex said.

"Hellooooo!" Misa answered.

Alex held out a cupcake covered with icing. "Want this? It has 700 calories, and 80 of the daily recommended amount of fat! Mmmmm!"

Misa looked at the delicious cupcake, and at Alex. "Alex is so mean to Misa!" Misa left, asking Light where the notebook was.

"Hi, I'm Bella!" Bella smiled, walking over to the bench. She fell.

"You're so predicable that it scares me, Bella." Alex gave up.

Near held a handful of cards, next to Bella. Sheep and lamb. He sat on the floor, building something with the cards.

After five minutes of this, Ms.Jeg let them switch.

"Hi, I'm Alice," Alice was one of the few that acted, and she yelled, "I have twenty-eight doctors! They said I'm hyper! My blood pressure is high!" She sang, twitching. "I just had sugar! Do you like sugar?!" Knowing that Near wouldn't be creeped-out, she poked him, so his house of cards fell down. Near went away.

"Yo, I'm Light Ya-ga-mee," Light did this rapper thing with his hand, "Whatz up?" Alice rolled her eyes, lame.

So Light tried another tactic. "I will murder you." Light thought, if I act like a murderer, then that is that Kira would not do, so L will think that I am not Kira... unless he knows that I'm pretending to pretend to be no Kira, therefore I am Kira, but with his process of thinking, he would think that I'm pretending to pretend to pretend to be a murderer, or a coincidence. I can also use this to prove to the investigation team that L is paranoid. Either way, this will work to my advantage.

Light's eyes narrowed, and turned red like in the cartoon. Alice creeped out.

Light took Alice's seat.

"The world will come to an imitate end." Shea looked at the floor, "There is no light to humankind. Humans just rot the world. We should canabolize. Have you ever eaten a human?"

Light thought, L must have set this up! I'm framed! I cannot place myself in this dilemma. "I don't talk to strangers, sorry." Light got up.

"Ms.Jeg, can we switch? He freaks me out." She said, looking at L, who was next.

"That's the point of this exercise." Ms.Jeg answered happily.

"Hi, I'm L." L said.

"Bye." Shea left.

"You have to stay for at least a minute."

"What's your real name?" Shea asked, "Like, Larry? Lassie? No, it must be Lawence!"

L didn't say anything, and nothing happened for a while.

"That's enough of this game, now Ron, Matt, Mello, and... Edward," She her eyes started to glaze, "Act out something, anything; as a group. No props."

"Wingardium-leviosa!" Ron shouted.

"Bang." Mello did a finger-gun. It didn't have the same effect as the real thing

Ms.Jeg screamed, "Read the Author's Note!".

"That's good, Mello," Emmett shouted, "For a Girl!"

Mello pulled out a revolver.

Auhor's Note: "…Chantico was a very concentrated hot chocolate -- it has been compared to drinking brownie batter. Special 6-ounce cups were made for it, since few people could drink any more than that." Any information on this, and the next THD will be on my profile. Anyone want to write the next chapter? Seriously, I'll give complete credit.


	9. Ms Frizzel

**Disclaimer: _LawlietxRinoa_ wrote this chapter, but the story originally belongs to _deep.lilac_. Alex and Shea belong to _deep.lilac_ while Ashley and Savannah belong to _LawlietxRinoa_. The other characters don't belong to either of us.**

Mello shot Emmett in the head, which bounced off and rolled next to the drama teacher. Ms. Jeg went crazy and ran away far, pulling her out hair out as she went, having witnessed a student getting shot and not dying. Everyone went outside to get fresh air, when a school bus showed up. A bus driver greeted them, who looked startlingly like Ms. Frizzle from The Magic School Bus. Edward's face looked very disturbed, while L stared at him sucking his thumb…

_Edward__!, _L thoughtEdward turned towards L. _Tell me…__Who is Kira? How does he kill?_ Edward turned away, ignoring everything about this Kira dying notebook thing.

Everyone pushed and shoved trying to get on the bus first but when everyone was on they noticed two girls sitting in the back of the bus wearing black hoodies. Alex and Shea exchanged looks before going over to them. Everyone else found seats, and argued with the driver as to which radio station to put on.

"So… what are the characters of Death Note, Harry Potter, and Twilight doing here?" One of them said. "Yeah! Are you guys regular humans, like us?" The other one asked.

"Yeah, we have no idea. They just showed up at our school!" Alex whispered, throwing her arms up in exclamation.

"I'm Shea, and this is Alex. What are your names?" Shea said questioning.

"I'm Savannah, and this is Ashley. Finally… we have the opportunity to tease Bella and Edward!" The pale girl yelled. The tan girl, Ashley, nodded in agreement. Edward, who of course heard them, turned to see what they were talking about, only to find Ashley flipping him off. He hissed at them and tried to shield Bella from their view.

"Alice!" Misa-Misa squealed. "The new girls have the same initials as Alex and Shea! Alex and Ashley. Shea and Savannah! Kawaii!"

"Umm, Misa? I think that's just a coincidence. My name starts with an A too…" Alice said, trying to get some smarts into Misa's brain.

Hermione and Light were glaring daggers at each other, trying to prove who was smarter, while L sat behind them and tried to see which of them was Kira. Light made sure to make Ryuk and Rem stay at the school because he didn't want Harry to freak out again, and then have L to figure out that they were his and Misa's shinigami.

"Driver! Where the hell we goin' anyway?!" Mello screamed, his hand itching to pull out a gun and shoot the frizzy haired lady.

"Please refrain from vulgar language kids! We're going to the Zoo!" The freaky driver chirped in her bubblegum-voice.

"Ugh. That filthy mudblood reminds me of that oaf Hagrid!" Draco Malfoy sneered. Tom nodded in agreement. Harry turned red.

"Don't talk about Hagrid like that!" Harry tackled Malfoy. Mello and Matt chanted '_Fight__!__ Fight!'_ while Emmett and Jasper exchanged bets over who would win.

Meanwhile, Rosalie was twirling Near's hair and Jacob gagged, trying not to turn into a werewolf. Ron stared at Near, jealous that the little shrimp was hogging Rosalie's attention. Bella was trying to seduce Edward.

"Only if you marry me, Bella," Edward held her hand

"Edward…" She batted her eyelashes and lunged for his lips.

"You were just kissing Jacob, you st!" Savannah and Ashley screamed in unison, before hiding their faces in their hood. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at them, jaws hanging open until…

"No vulgar language! Don't make me stop this bus!" Ms. Frizzle, the driver, screeched. Her whole person seemed to turn evil. Everyone sat down and shut their mouths. Then she turned nice again, and turned on the radio. Chiodos was blasting through the speakers.

Finally, the bus came to a stop and everyone got in a single file line and marched out politely, because they were scared to death of the bus driver. Alex and Shea were asking Ashley where she and Savannah came from, and who was their favorite characters. Ashley told them her fave was Ryuuk, and Ron. They got Savannah's answer when she showed them a monogrammed "L" necklace, bracelet, ring, and anklet.

Then Edward, Emmett and Jasper temporarily disappeared. When they came back, a voice over the intercom said. "_We're sorry visitors, but the mountain lions, the grizzly bears, and the tiger have just mysteriously died. We're very sorry!" _Bella, Alice, Rosalie, Alex, Shea, Ashley, and Savannah glared at the three boys.

'_They just had to eat half the zoo, huh?' _The girls thought. Misa said "Lions, and tigers, and bears… Oh my!" No comment.

An evil monkey stole Mello's chocalate, and as he pulled out his gun to shoot it, Tom put a hand on his shoulder and shook his head. Then he pulled the wand from his pocket and did the Imperius curse on the monkey making it torture itself, and fling itself around the cage. Mello and Matt laughed for ages, and officially recruited Tom into their group. When Draco came up to join them, Mello punched him in the face and Matt threw his gameboy at Draco's nose. Draco rolled around on the floor screaming, "Oooh it's killin' me! It's killin' me!" Tom, Matt, and Mello looked at each other and shook their heads before going to see the baby seals.

Jacob was bored, so he turned into a wolf and went and fought with the other wolfs in the zoo. Bella stared at him in longing. Edward came up to her and got jealous.

Jasper's eyes looked glazed, and he wobbled.

"What happened, Jasper?"

"They gave strong medication to the tigers," Emmett shrugged, "Jasper's drunk."

Bella stared at an exhibit. Edward looked questionly at her. She answered, "Umm… I was just umm hoping that the other wolf beats Jacob up!" Bella said.

Edward muttered, "Dog."

She huffed. "What's wrong with you Edward?!" She started arguing while Edward patiently tried to explain something. They continued to argue, while Alex and Shea went to find the two girls who were also stuck with these loony fictional characters.

Ashley was trying to pull Harry away from Mello. "You! How dare you insult Albus Dumbledore!"

Mello looked confused. "Who the hell is Albus DimbleDorf?!"

Harry roared. "Raahhh, he's doing it again!"

Ron looked at Harry in disbelief. "You're off your rocker, mate!" Shea and Alex intervened and helped Ashley sedated Harry.

"Where's Savannah?" Alex asked. Ashley shrugged. They all went to go find her, passing by Rosalie chasing after Near yelling "Come back, Sweetie! I won't call you seven again! I look younger than I really am too!"

Near was running away, and said, "I don't care! Please go away!" He threw his dice at her, which she dodged easily and finally used her vampire speed to catch up with him. As the regular human girls passed, they heard Near cry in defeat as Rosalie carried him off in the direction of the ice-cream stand. "Please, no, Rosalie!"

"You should have a happy childhood, Near." Rosalie replied simply.

L was typing in a laptop.

"OMG! L!" Savannah burst, "You're so kawaii in person!"

The other three 'normal' girls didn't say anything.

Shea muttered something about L actually being an emo and cutting his wrist, while L looked expressionless.

"There is zero chance that you are Kira, Savannah," He declared, hunching his back a little more.

Alex looked annoyed and exasperated. "Ugh! Come on, Kira is Light! Get it through your thick skull!"

"Yeah, and Misa-Misa is the second Kira! Aren't you supposed to be a genius?!" Shea retorted, while Ashley gave him a 'DUH!' look.

"Ah, so it was as I thought! However, we still have no evidence. Our current task is to find all evidence that can support this." L never took his eyes off the laptop. Before the girls could roll their eyes, they heard a loud scream that they all recognized: Alice Cullen.

"Jasper!" Alice's eyes were very wide.

"Yes, sir..." Jasper did a drunken salute, "C-confederates region," he slurred his words and fell over.

"I take it he's Republican," Shea blinked.

"Can I hug you?" Savannah looked dreamily at L.

"...Beg your pardon?..." L looked away from his laptop to Savannah.

Savannah showed him her wrist plastered with jewelry. "I got these monogrammed rings and stuff that say 'L', see? Your amazing…"

It was the first time in his life that L didn't know what to think.

"I never thought L would be creeped out!" Alex laughed.

Hermony and Light were playing chess.

"Misa doesn't like it when Light is with her," Misa wined.

"Your _gelfriend_," Hermony had a British accent, "is very immature."

Misa darkened. She had enough of Hermony and smartness.

There was a food-stand a few yards away.

Ron had accidently caused a building to disappear. The 'normal-people' stared. L took the chance to escape.

"Ashley, do you ever feel like everything is being planned out?" Alex asked.

"Yeah, and I get dreams about MicrosoftWord," Ashley said.

"Me too, it's weird," Alex looked thoughtful, "Do you dream about TimesNewRoman too?"

"Yes. Why do you think that is?"

Shea whistled innocently.

Edward thought read Shea's mind.

**Hope you like it!**

Author's Note: Thank you LawlietxRinoa! She wrote like, 98 of this chapter. This has been a chapter written by LawlietxRinoa, and I (deep.lilac) added some stuff. Again, if anyone wants to write a chapter, message me. Credit/Worship LawlietxRinoa.


	10. Mod Suit and Pink Tie

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Harry Potter, Death Note.

2nd Disclaimer: This is a colaberation-story by LawlietxRinoa and deep.lilac

"Oh my Kira!" Misa screamed at the teacher, who paced the room. "

"No weapons, Mr.Keehl," the teacher said.

"I have to step into the meeting room for a conference..." the teacher said, "You kids had better be good while I'm gone...or else... I'm surprised, Mr.Yagami, and Ms.Granger, you of all people should know..."

"But teacher! We weren't doing anything" Hermione says with tears in her eyes.

"I never did anything! I'm an honor student! The best in the nation!" Light stood up, innocent-like.

L stood, "Actually second best, remember?"

"This is the United States, Mr.Yagami, what are you talking about?"

Mello "Owned!"

"I'm not sure how I ended up in America either, proffecer..." Hermony murmured.

"Don't talk back!" the teacher spoke.

"Weren't we in Forks, Edward?" Bella looked up to Edward.

Edward said, "Now that I think of it..."

Alice said, "Hey! How the hell are we here?!"

Someone's iPod: And these children that you step on... (David Bowie)

"Where's Shea?" someone asked.

"I don't know." Light answered a little too quickly.

"Everone start looking for Shea, pronto!"

"Do not leave this room!" the teacher snapped.

"70, Light!" L pipes.

"I'm. Not. Kira!"

"But what about Shea?!" One of the human girls scream

"Keep on saying it, it doesn't prove anything!" L said.

"Jasper...?" Emmett looked sideways at his 'brother'.

Jasper sents a wave of calm around the room...it didn't work.

"Your in detention, students!" the teacher shouted, glancing at the clock on the wall. "I'll be back in ten hours!"

Mello swore, "I hate this teacher!!"

The teacher left in frustration.

"Thank God!"

"So like...what do we do now that the teacher is gone?" Misa asked.

Light closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. L was getting on his nerve, again. He plugged his ears' with a headphone and started playing Handlebars (Flobots).

"Ebay!' Alice was still happy.

"Yeah!" Misa did a happy-dance.

Misa kept poking Light in the shoulder, while Matt stared at Alice in confusion.

"Why in the world are you wearing all these clothes and jewelry with me on them?" L said in a disturbed voice

Alex was dialing Shea on her cellphone. No one answered. Ryuk looked into the distance, noticing something. Harry noticed too, and fainted.

"Awesome! I'm a ghost!" Shea smiled.

"OMG!" Ashley said.

Alex said "Cool! Air-high-five!"

"So Shea..." Savannah said, "who killed you?"

"Yes, who murdered you, Shea?" L asked, "I suspect you did not die of natrual cause or commit suicide.'

"Obviously," Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to be frustrating and not tell you!" Shea had that smile again.

"Ah... what?" L questioned, confused.

"Cool! And I'm still wearing my t-shirt!" Shea looked down at what she was wearing. "This is so cool... and I'm all ghosty and stuff!"

"Cool?! But you're like...dead?!" Ron yelled.

"Filthy mudblood" Tom sneered.

"Yeah!" Shea looked up brightly.

"Bloody hell." Ron answered.

"Oh STFU Tom, you're a half-blood!"

"I'm immortal!" Shea spoke aloud her thoughts, still amazing that she was a ghost.

"No no no...This means that you have unfinished business, y'know?!" Savannah says.

Tom Riddle was trying to figure out Shea's secret.

"Oh yeah... what do I have to do?" Shea asked.

"Unfinished business, eh?" Tom asked.

"I might have to rid the world of evil or something," Shea shrugged.

"Well, there is obviously something that you were supposed to do before you died. What was it?" Near says

"No idea." Shea said.

Rosalie "Dont be so full of yourself! Your only a human!"

"Shut up Rosalie!" Ashley snapped.

"I'm not human, I'm a ghost!" Shea said, "And what are you, Rosalie?"

"Ummm...that is beside the point!" She huffed.

Misa gasped. Realization hit her. "You!" she pointed to Matt, "Your my stalker!"

"Wait. What?" Matt says, inhaling his ciggy.

"You will die of lung cancer, Matt.' Near said.

"You stalked me!"

"Under Mello's orders..." Matt muttered.

"Are you accusing my friend, biotch?! I'll shoot you!!" Mello screamed.

"Mello! You use Herbal Essence, right?" Alice asked, "I was wondering what scent you used..."

"I told you to shut up about that!"

"Sunflower? I don't know, it smells like Sunflower..." Alice tilted her head.

"What to f--?!"

Mello seemed sad, "Just leave me alone! Where's my chocolate..."

"See, I posted your photo on my blog..." Alice looked at her feet. "There's are a lot of interesting comments... very interesting comments..."

"You what?! Friggin hell, man!" Mello screamed.

"Did you just call me a man" Alice whispered.

"Uh-oh...she is pissed"

Jasper couldn't take it, so he punched Mello not-so-hard.

"F! My beautiful nose! You...!"

"Crucio! Don't hurt my friend!" Tom yelled.

Alice looked mad, and took out a black box. Hair-gel, hair-dye... "I'm giving you a makeover, Mello. You insulted me." She almost had tears in her eyes.

"You're all insane!"

"Fine! You know what, fine! Tell your stupid hound dog to leave me alone, before I shoot him!"

"Hurt Near instead!" Mello yelled. Rosalie ran over to Near, protecting him from any of Alice's ideas.

Near says "Don't touch me!"

"Oh dear... Near, don't be afraid; Alice won't hurt you..."

"I was talking to you, Rosalie..."

Rosalie said, "Oh, don't be cranky! Do you need a nap?"

"I'm sixteen!"

"You don't have to lie to me, darling!"

"This is disturbing..." L murmured

"I agree."

"How about this. Raise your hands if you think this is all crazy."

Everyone ignored the humans.

"Oh, hello," Ryuk greated his old friend Mr. Dementor. They started chatting about those fun days.

"I remember, Ryuk," Mr. Dementor said, "Do you remember Carlile? He's still here from the Dark Ages... good old days..."

"Where's Alice and Mello?" someone asked.

Alice emerged from behind a door, "From _violent_-ganster-look, to..."

"I'm not moving." a voice from behind the door.

"It's not that bad, much more stylish." Alice grinned.

"I do not like _white!_" Mello swore.

"Come-on, Mello," She dragged Mello into public.

"Uh, wow." Savannah blinked after hesitation. "Mod-suit and pink tie..."

"How did she get you to wear _that_?" Matt asked.

"... I'm not sure..." head of Mafia looked thoughtful.

"Looks a who lot better than what Mum sent me for the Yule Ball..." Ron said.

To be continued...

deep.lilac's Note: We wrote this story using Yahoo!Messenger. My screen-name is: deep.lilac


	11. Harry Potter goes Poof, Hello Heroes

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Harry Potter, Death Note, See Spot Run, or Heroes.

continued...

"I think we should all set aside our differences and be friends!" Shea beamed at Mello.

Mello shot her, and this time, she died.

After getting over the innicial shock, Hermony wondered, "How did you shoot a ghost?"

"I just did," Mello spat out the sentence.

"Oh well." Light shrugged.

Emmett was nonchalently moving tward Near. The vampire would look up at the ceiling every few seconds, humming the theme song to Jaws.

Hermony suddenly got an idea.

"I have an idea!" Hermony said in a cool British accent, "To see who's more _intelligent_, we'll take an IQ test!"

"Fine." Light narrowed his eyes until they turned red.

"Light," Alex told Light in an emotionaless manner, "Take this, it'll help."

Light looked down at what was in Alex's hands.

"I don't need 'immediate allergy relieve for itchy/red eyes'! If anyone needs medical attention it's Harry! He's the one _seeing _things. I say that he needs a straight-jacket and padded-cell! You've all seen how violent he gets with that stick."

"He thinks that he's magical or something; I agree with Light." one of the vampires answered.

Oh yeah, Bella died. Since she's so self-obsessed in Breaking Dawn, a proper death will not be written. Let's just say that Edward wasn't there at the moment, Emmett didn't leave because Rosalie didn't go because she couldn't've cared less, and Alice and Jasper didn't go because why would they? Alice did write a Sympathy card to Charlie. Jacob Black took care of Renesime and changed her name to Mary because the name Renesime is stupid and sounds like "resmeme". Mary's supernatural-vampire-power is to turn gold into hay (it's not a great talent because she's half human and she can't turn hay into gold). Back to the story...

"This is a lot like The Breakfast Club." one of the humans said when they started smoking in the library.

Hermony and Light were taking an IQ test that they found somewhere online.

The vampires, who couldn't get high, continued what they were doing. Emmett was going to strangle Near for stealing Rosalie's attention, and Alice would force Mello to wear her design while Jasper tried to emotionally make Tom a better person (because Jasper kind-of hated himself for eating all of those humans in the Civil War or something).

Just then, Tom had an evil smile and began to laugh crazily (Light stored that information in his head).

"I've found the cure!" Tom screamed.

There was a puff of smoke, and the Harry Potter people went "poof".

Matt swore, "Tom went away..."

(FYI: current "people" in the school: Alex, Savannah, Ashley, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Near, Mello, Light, L, Misa, Ryuk)

There was a knock at the door.

Everyone, including Emmett, stopped.

"Hi," a man with dark hair and dark eyes walked in, "I'm Peter Petreili."

"I'm Hiro! Yah-ta!" a Japanese guy wore glasses shouted.

"The universe can look at it's exterior well, even photograph it, but what has true meaning lies inside. We all see the world very differently. How does the human specie survive as..." the Indian guy continued with long stirng of provokitve words.

Author's Note: I wrote this short chapter myself. Has anyone seen Heroes, or should I take the Heroes-people out for the next chapters?


	12. Medical Condition

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Death Note, Heroes or the phase "It's a medical condition!"

As high schoolers, Jasper wanted to start a band, well, it wasn't untill Alice saw the future where Edward read Jasper's mind and confided to Alice that he wasn't acting like himself, so Alice blurted it out.

"We're starting a band." Alice look definate. "Your going to join too, Mello!"

Misa took in a deep breath, her features getting happyer every mili-second.

Mello glared at Alice, who got him to wear a mod-suit and light-pink tie. It did look good though, as much as he didn't want to admit it. Goodbye leather and Christian jewlery. Alice had said that they were too ten-years-ago. Alice made a mental note to get Jasper to wear something similar, except in blue.

"Yah-ta!" a Japanese guy made a Star-Wars-hand-sign.

"I used to have a Star Wars set." Near said.

"Where?!" Hiro looked around.

"They aren't here anymore..." Near continued to pile dust molicules ontop of eachother. "I needed to eat something..."

"Y-you ate _cal-lect-ables_?!"

FYI: The Heroes-people in the scene are: Sylar, Peter Petreli, Hiro, Niki (double-person).

Sylar was there too (the bad guy).

Edward read Sylar's mind and whispered vampire-speed to Emmett, Alice, Jasper and Rosalie. A plan. The vampires attacked Sylar, and Jasper didn't feel so hungry anymore after drinking Sylar's blood. Too bad for Sylar (he had the cheerleader's can't-die power), so he was still alive after he was drained of blood. And the cheerleader died because she's too much like Bella Swan.

Rosalie looked at Niki/Jessica.

Niki/Jessica looked at Near.

"Aw," Niki began to Near, "And who are you?"

"Don't you dare touch him." Rosalie glared at Niki/Jessica.

Emmett did a double-take.

"There are two of you, Rosalie?' Emmett looked from Niki/Jessica to Rosalie.

"I wouldn't hurt him." Niki/Jessica turned into Niki, "What did you do to my Micah?" then she turned into Jessica, who pulled out a gun, "Give me the money." She turned into Niki, "Don't listen to Jessica! She turned into Jessica, "Give me the money. Linderman owes me." To Niki, "Nooooo... I just want my Micah!"

"I almost got a higher score than you, Light Yagami!" Hermony shouted about the IQ test, "It shouldn't've been a tie!"

"Do you have a theory, L?" Light asked L.

"Yes, I belive that they have supernatural powers, much like Kira."

"Yeah; at least _I _didn't go insane like _them_." Light muttered to himself.

"What?" l spun around.

"N-nothing."

"There is only one way to kill Sylar, and I have to saw his head off!" Peter held up his magical-head-cutting-off-finger.

There was another way to murder Sylar, but Light didn't want to give anyone the Death Note.

Peter read Edward's mind, who read Ryuk's mind.

"_Law-liet_? Are you serious? Someone in this room has the name _Law-liet?_" Peter laughed (Lawliet is pronounced Low-light). "And _your_ Light Yagami?" Peter asked Light.

"Yes."

Peter laughed, so did Edward who read Peter's mind, "Your name should be High-light (like Low-liet)!"

"That was a _very_ bad joke," Hiro had trouble pronouncing the v in very.

"What's your name, Mr...?" Light questioned Peter, who knew too much, "And how do you spell it?"

Fourty seconds later, Peter died of suicide (with a knife). Light pretended to look sad and closed Peter's eye, respect of the dead, and pulled the knife out of Peter. Peter came back to life again, and Light was stunned.

"You're forgeting Jasper's idea, everyone." Alice said, "Who can play guitar?"

"I can!" Hiro jumped up, "I practiced on Guitar-_Hero_, like my name, Hiro, and I'm a hero!"

A while later, Misa was lead singer, Ryuk would do speccial-effect lighting with his invisible power, Edward was on keyboard, and Jasper volenteered to do drums, because afer all, he was a drummer-boy in the Civil War or something.

"We should be called 'The Kiras'!" Misa said ingeniously.

"Hey Light-bulb," Ashely (human) waved a hand, "You can do the special-effect-laughter!"

After a few minutes of deep thinking, Ashely dicided to call Light "Bic", as in the brand of high-Light-er that she used. She also dicided to call Mello, Melon (or Honeydew).

"Holy s! Don't the call me fing Honeydew Melon, you..." Mello tried to shoot Ashely, but there wern't any bullets left.

Out of curiosity, Savanah stabbed L with a needle.

"Why are you taking my blood, Savanah?"

"Here, Mohinder." Savanah gave the tube of blood to Mohinder, the Indian-scientist-dude. "Sorry, L."

"To answer your first question, he's not diabetic." Mohinder concluded after sticking a stick into the vile. He wore purple-plastic-disposible-gloves. "And I can't seem to figure out the blood-type... odd... hmm... got it... it says here that his blood type is 'L'."

"That's not a blood type."

"I know, but that's what the blood-type-stick says. I don't know why there's this gothic 'L' on the stick though..."

Edward was reading L's mind. _I think my parents hated me... my first name is _this _thanks to them... What could've possible possessed them to name me..._

Edward couldn't stand it, "Your firstname is _Larry_?"

"Shhhhh!"

Emmett heard and bursted out laughing. So did Alice, Rosalie and Jasper.

"Ohmygod! No wonder you never use your firstname!"

"Why are you emo, _Larry_? Larry isn't the name of a goth/emo."

"I'm not 'emo' or 'goth'-"

"You wear mascara though, but it does look awsome..."

"It's a _medical condition_." L looked up at Alex, who asked the question.

"Okay, _sure_."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I noticed that when I try to be humorous, I fail to be funny. One more thing: L's name was either going to Lassie or Larry- Larry just works better.


	13. Stereotypes

Disclaimer: If some idiot would even consider that I'm smart enough to write Death Note or Heroes or Twilight, then go gardening or something. I didn't come up with Savannah or Ashley. I came up with Alex and Shea, but Shea died; I also came up with this story.

"I am not emo, Alex. People who are sadly emo feel alone, depressed, misunderstood; they tend to dress in a very non-formal way, wearing Van/Coverse sneakers, eyeliner and are off-beat while many 'emos' have black notebooks (poetry)..." L listed.

Alex, who looked unfazed, just rolled her eyes. In the manga he wore Van, and in the live action: Converse.

"A bit ironic, don't you think, L?"

L ate another piece of some sort of confectionary food-stuff.

"Then Edward's goth." Alex said thoughtfuly.

Edward heard her, "Your mistaken, Alex. I'm not goth."

"Yeah, you are." Alex nodded, "A _Classy _Goth. Face it; your pale, polite... and I _assume_ that you have a bunch of old-stuff...? Google it if you think I'm lying. You even match the photo-example on ..."

"_'Wiki-How_'?"

"We bring 'senior-citizens' to a whole new level." Emmett laughed. "No, not us; Carslile does."

"As I continue to label all of you... Matt, your a nerd." Alex said.

"Shut up, Alex." Mello glared.

"Or what, punk?"

"Alex, calm down," Light instructed.

"Preppy..."

"Doing well in school doesn't make me-!" Light bursted.

"Look at what you wear, High-Lighter! It's a jacket, tie and dress-pants!" Alex waved her hand around.

"That's the school uniform! I have to wear this!"

"Your girlfriend Misa is a Gothic-Lolita."

"Misa thinks so to!" Misa called a few meters aways.

"Even I agree with Alex," Ashely said. "Light-Bulb is a preppy."

"Don't call me Light-Bulb, Ashely."

"Or what?"

"I'll kill-" Light stopped, and taking in a deep breath, "I'll do something."

"Hey, Ashely!" Savanah was holding an MP3 device, "It's Florecent-Light-Bulb's music! He listens to _I'd Love to Change the World_,_ Manipulate, I've Got the Whole World in My Hands, _and a lot of songs about death!"

"H-how did you get my iPod?"

"Two more percent."

"Why are you wearing your school uniform in a public school, Light?"

The words surrounded Light like... like the police surrounded Matt.

"You look like Zac Efferon!" Alice held a photo of him.

Suddenly, Light 's head fell and he began to laugh.

"Your right!" He screamed in an insane voice, kind of high-pitched too, "Your all right! But I'm more right!"

After a moment of silence, someone asked, "How?"

"Do you do CFL?" Ashley the human asked Light.

"No. En_light_en me on what 'CFL' his?" Light wondered.

"It's an _Earth-friendly, world saving from the destruction of wasteful engery_ light-bulb. AKA: Compact Floresent Lightbulb." Ashley said.

Light Yagami looked as if he were about to implode. Which would've been really cool.

"I think your a vampire, Light!" Alex shouted.

"I'm not!"

"Then Edward is!" Alex shouted back.

Everyone looked at Edward, so he felt self-concious, but not really, because he was a vampire who could suck everyone's blood.

Sylar was regaining his blood (thanks to the cheerleader). Jasper attacked him, again.

"He's like some soft-drink!" Emmett high-fived Jasper, "No wonder humans love PanaraBread's coffee special: free refills!"

"His blood is kind of... metalic-like though," Jasper shrugged.

"So then we realize, that we're alone in such a large world," Mohinder ranted, "We try to familierize with the 'normal', but _is_ there a quote-normal-end-quote? I've wondered about that..."

"OK, guys?" Peter Petreli handed everyone a gun, "If I explode, shoot me."

"Why would you explode?" Near said.

"This may sound hard to believe, but it's true: I have a supernatural abilitie to get other people's powers, and one of the powers is radition-explosion."

Mello shot him.

Mello shrugged, "He was going to f***ing explode, why delay the death?"

"From now on, call me 'S'." Savanah announced.

"Why?"

"L gets to be called L, so I get to be S." Savanah said, "Isn't that wonderful, L? We'll both be named after the alphebet."

"How romantic." Niki/Jessica rolled her eyes, or was it Rosalie?

Apparently it was Jessica, because she paced to Near, sticking a gun to his head.

"Tell me where Micah is." Jessica said.

"No! Drop the gun!" Rosalie screamed.

"Not untill you tell me where Micah is."

It was a bit odd. Both Rosalie and Niki/Jessica were wearing the same black shirt and jeans. It looked kind of like a mirror. Two child-obsessive murderers with blond hair. They both had husbands' who could walk through walls if they wanted to too.

Probably for the fun of it, Mello shot Rosalie in the foot. The bullet rickoshade from her foot to Niki/Jessica, causing her to fall and Near to be saved.

Emmett whistled long, "Smooth."

Author's Note: Does anyone else think that Bella's a w**** and Jacob and Edward are stupid for being in love with her?


	14. Painting

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, Death Note, Heroes or Savannah and Ashley. Or the Beatles. Or what Alex says about hearing-things, that's from my friend.

Ashley poked Sylar hard.

"Ow." Sylar said. He tried to do that make-object-move trick, but it didn't work. No spark. Literally.

"Were you trying to make something move, Sylar?" Ashley said. You could almost see her twiling car-keys to a Bentley. A chair moved. Ashley looked shock. The chair moved again.

Sylar prayed to god. "God, help me. Please, God."

"What do you need?" Light asked him.

L thought, _interesting that Light responded to "God"._

"I suspect that Mr. Sylar used to posess the power to move objects, but now Ashley seems to have taken that power." Mohinder nodded to L.

So Ashley poked Mr. Sylar again and again untill he was drained of all power that he tried very hard to obtain by magicaly sawing off the tops of people's heads (long story to people who haven't seen Heroes).

"We have to go to class," Edward told Ashely while she drained Sylar of power.

They had to go to a near by college for phycology class, since their high school didn't have that. Anyways, they were in the hallway, half an hour before class started.

"...Hello," the woman was writing on a green chalboard, back turned to her class (which was ironicly made up of the same people, includng Hiro (ya-ta-guy), Niki/Jessica, and Mohinder. Peter Petreli had gone to Starbucks.

She wrote: "Phyc. 101".

Light thought, _What is Santa Claus found the Death Note? The song goes "naughty or nice...". I'm going to write Saint Nicolous's name in the Death Note so he won't murder me._

"Hello. I am Abbey. Abbey Road." The teacher said, passing out a sylibus.

"They were great, weren't they, Edward?" Emmett sighed, "Back in the day... The Beatles were great in concert..."

"No. I hate anything before I met Bella." Edward said.

"Your stupid and blinded by love, Edward," Alex the human spoke normaly, "I have no idea how you _can't_ see Bella as a selfish wh-"

"I doesn't take a genius to notice," Near murmured. That was his first joke in his 6-year, I mean, 16-year existence.

"That was a stupid joke, Near." Savannah scoffed.

Near didn't seem to notice, because he didn't exactly have any emotion.

"Don't you _dare_ insult Nate!" Rosalie yelled.

"How do you know my name?" Near asked her.

"Um..." Rosalie stopped in midair from shredding Savannah.

"Yeah, how the hell did you know?" Mello wondered.

Rosalie tried not to look at Edward.

"Lucky guess?"

"Where did you come from origionaly?" Light asked Mohinder.

"I can tell you, as a monarch butterfly knows what country, state, and road it came from... the art of calling a place home is nature, therefore: natural for both animals and humans alike..." Mohinder ranted.

"But _where_ did you come from origionaly? What country?"

Mohinder took in a deep breath of air to continue, "It's not only human nature that has an established 'home', but nature does. My father had a file on how 'home' connects to 'familiarity', and how that connects to the DNA..."

Light walked away.

"I'm from California," Mohinder called out.

"When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself. I'm told that I _see things_." Niki/Jessica whispered.

"I used to see things," Alice admitted to Misa.

"Misa sees things too! Misa sees big red numbers and letters!"

"Your alike in many ways, Alice and Misa," Ashely smirked in an un-Ashley-like-way, "Both of you have been strapped and put under suvalence, Alice because you were insane, Misa because your Kira2, and both of you like fashion."

On the other side of the room, Alex was talking to Edward.

"Do you hear things, Edward?" Alex shivered suddenly.

Edward, unable to read Alex's confusing mind, nodded.

"I hear things sometimes... these little fairies talk to me in their screechy voices... they tell me to do things... Do you know what type of things they tell me to do...? Bad things..." Alex's voice volume-wise was low: barely auditable. "Sometimes I don't do what they tell me to do... sometime, I can't resist..." Then, as Edward was listening very closely, Alex screamed as high-pitched as was possible.

Edward jumped.

"Haha! I've always wanted to scare a vampire! That was a great reaction, Edward! I bet L will give me a copy of the security tapes! Youtube Hall of Fame, here I am! Ha ha!"

Rosalie had her head tilted to one side and was looking at Near adoringly.

"Please get away, ." Near said.

"Your so sweet, Near." Rosalie remembered something, "Can I bite you?"

"No."

"_When you can live forever... what do you live for?_" Rosalie quoted, 'It won't hurt- wait, it will. But the pain won't last _too_ long."

Peter Petrelli walked into the room. He was holding a painting of the future that he just did. Too bad he had just painted the painting, because the painting was dripping paint all over him.

Alice stared.

Alice started vibrating with joy.

"You can see the future too! Oh my god! What did you draw? Wait, I know! I just looked into the future where you showed me the painting!" Peter gave Alice the painting. "Oh yeah..."

The painting was of Peter handing Alice a painting.

"Some superpower, sucker!" Mello threw a chocolate-foil-wrapper at Peter.

Peter became unhappy, and started to glow. Oh no.

"He's going to explode!" Someone screamed.


	15. Bloody Beyond Birthday

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, Death Note, Heros, or Beyond Birthday... or Savannah, or Ashley.

"I know what to do," Edward said determine and serious-like in his Edward-way. If Bella were alive, she would say _"Oh no, you can't do that, Edward. Oh Edward!" _ But she's dead. Edward grabbed Peter Petrelli and threw him a few miles up away.

A few seconds later, Misa clapped her hands, "Ooooo! Pretty fireworks!"

Mello popped a chocolate truff into his mouth. Then another chocolate.

"They have ah.... ah unique flavor..." Mello noted, a bit woozy. He giggle. Ohmygod, Mello giggled.

"Take more, Mello." Light was leaning on a dolly (that's the thing you use to wheel around stuff). The dolly had boxes of chocolate truffles on it.

"....Mmmmmmmm.... theese are toooooo good, Ligh-t...." Mello was still giggling. It looked really weird. There was this guy acting very childish-- wait, that's L.

"What did you do to the truffles, Light?" Alice asked.

"A little alchol never hurt anyone." Light replyed.

"Light-bulb, it's not very nice to drug people." Ashley accused.

Then Mello fell in a very dramatic way.

"What do we do now?"

"Go to philosophy of art and music."

Later, at philosophy of art and music. A few minutes into the class.

"You know what?! _You_ can teach the class!" the teacher swore.

"I'm only doing my part to give crucial input into this class, Mr. Plato." Mohinder said innocently.

They had left Mello in the hallway. He would be too much to explain.

"I don't like you very much, Near." Emmett glared at him in a murderous way.

"You wouldn't." Rosalie looked at him.

"But..." Emmett looked at Rosalie in a way that broke her heart- her dead heart (the phase that Stephanie M. used way to much).

Misa noticed something. That was very surprizing in itself. She walked over to Edward.

"Hey, hey!" Light called out to Misa, afraid that she would reviel that he was Kira.

Misa continued what Light was saying, "You, you, I could be your girlfriend, Edward!"

L thought, _Misa just noticed that Bella is dead. How could I ever expect her to be the second Kira?_ _Her IQ must be in the negitives._

"I'm your boyfriend, Misa!" Light tried to get his eyes back.

"You," Misa grabbed Edward's arm, "Change you mind, like..."

"A girl changes clothes?" Ahsley suggested.

"Ha ha ha..." Jasper's frame was tilted, and he was covered in...

"Blood! I'm hemophobic!" Savanah fainted.

"What did you drink, Jasper?" Alice said.

"This pretty little lamb," Jasper laughted. Yes, lamb (I hate the lion/lamb phase). "I found it in... ha ha... a lab... special artificial blood!"

"Ah," Mello woke up, "Do you see the little dots too, Jasper?"

"Ha ha, yeah! I predge allegence!" He hiccuped, "To the flag, of..."

"Your trashed, man." Emmett said, "Go eat that sugar-freak, Jasper. The fresh blood will help you become sobar." Emmett knew.

"No!" Alice screamed.

Before her words had any effect, Jasper had bitten L. Jasper vibrated. Sugar overdose could effect vampires. Jasper ran away to go eat some annoying teacher.

"Ah... it's painful?" L didn't know what to think. His hand, much like Bella's, had a crecent shape where he was bitten. It was painful, much to the delite of Light.

"Edward! Do something!" Alice screamed again.

"Okay!" Edward took out a cellphone, "Carslile? Come here!"

_"Can't _you_ save him, Edward?"_

"No! He's an emo, Carslile!"

"Someone get some blood! He's going to die of blood loss!"

"Here!" Ashley poured a bottle of ketchup onto L, who was loosing blood at a fast rate.

"It's Beyond Birthday!"

"Who is, this 'Beyond Birthday'?" Mohinder asked.

"You don't know?" Alex gasped, "He's the one who murdered Believe Bridesmaid, Backyard Bottomslash, and Quarter Queen!"

"What a terrible name!" Rosalie said, "'Quarter Queen'! My god! I used to be known as Homecoming Queen!"

"Walturi..." L dialed W, "I am dying..."

"I get to be L!" Near grinned his scary grin (it _is_ a scary grin in the manga).

"Bloody not!" Mello pulled out a gun, "I'm going to be L!"

"Well... once both of you die, I'll be L..." Matt didn't even bother glancing up from his DS.

"No, I will be L." Light(bulb) said, "Out of cuiosity, who are you going to choose?"

L was really dying now. Before, he was just kind of dying. He pointed a quivering finger to the heir to L.

"Misa?" Light looked confused.

"The second Kira?" Near asked.

"That girl?" Mello wondered.

"The chick?" Matt looked up, "She is cuter than any of _us..._"

"No way." Mello shot her.

Misa died. No one cared. The thing is: she died a moment before Mello shot her, and that was because she gave up half of her life-span so many times, she was going to die at that moment anyways.

"Oh, the logic." Ryuk sighed.

Carslile came into the scene just then, and gave L a band-aid. "He's good."

"Oh well." Light said.

Jasper came into the room, and everyone felt better.

Author's (DEATH) Note: I don't like Hot and Cold by Katy Perry, or Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne.


	16. Misa is Alive for the Sake of the Plot

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Death Note, or Alice in Wonderland.

Stephanie Meyers wrote the first bit. Then I wrote the rest.

I'm trying to make my stories less random, but I failed.

His eyes gleamed dark as his head was turned downwards. Everyone knew that he was Kira, except the people who weren't intelligent enough to understand (Misa). Light's silk, crimson tie fell loosely over the Oxford. There were little folds in the shirt, where it was creased, and the iron had failed to work.

Misa was happy, with one thin arm looped around Edward's. They were standing on a carpeted floor in the dismal school. The carpet was a basic green with a spectrum of range of speckles. Years of use had worn down its luster. A dust molecule sat on the carpet, all alone. The dust molecule was Mormon. "What was a nice Mormon dust molecule doing on the terrible carpet?"

"Jasper is still drunk!" Alice cried in her sing-song voice.

"Misa." Dreamy Edward started in his golden voice, "Would you so kind as to let go of me?" His voice melted her, so she let go of him reluctantly.

Little Near was watching twenty TV channels at one on his nice laptop… and wonderful, old-fashion Edward…

"How old are you, Light?" Misa asked, latching her arm around his.

"Seventeen." He responded.

"How long have you been seventeen?" She asked again.

"A year." He said, "Today's my birthday."

Alice started singing Alice in Wonderland's _Happy UnBirthday_.

"Where's that song from, Alice?"

"This guy, a long time ago, wrote a story about a rabbit who was late for meeting the Queen of Hearts, and Alice fell down the rabbit hole, and met the caterpillar, talking flowers, the Mad Hatter, Tweedle-Dee and Dum, Doo-doo bird… Do you not know?"

"That's why they locked you up in the first place," Alex muttered.

"Don't insult Alice!" Jasper saluted, and fell down.

"He's dead!" Misa shouted. "Why did you do that, Light?!"

"No, he's not dead," Edward assured her.

Light, having done nothing, took Jasper's pulse. When there was none, he glared at Ryuk, who shrugged. "He is dead, Edward."

Misa started crying. "He was dreamy too!"

"I'll get you a puppy, Misa." Light charmed her.

Edward said something low and incomprehensible. Something including the words: Jacob, werewolf, and the rest were swears.

"This is boring," Matt complained, "Someone shoot me."

Author's Note: It's short, but I'm tired.


	17. Time Machine

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Twilight, Death Note, or Chicago. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't be pleasantly surprised if you did think that I was the creator of Twilight, Death Note, or Chicago.

Near was folding origami. Rosalie was adoringly watching him. Emmett was jealous of Near. Bella was dead, not like anyone really cared. Mello was bored, so he was eating chocolate. Matt was playing a car-race video game. L was thinking. And Misa was in a daze looking at Edward.

Light sighed. It was a dull day. Then Yagami sat down and started building something..

A few hours passed.

By then, the thing that Light was building was getting everyones' attention.

"What is it?" Misa asked.

Edward read Light's creepy mind and answered for him, "It's a time machine."

"Oh."

"30%"

It was then that Alice appeared with a grin, and she said in her most persuasive sing-song tone, "Can I try that, Light?"

Light, who was a young, psychopathic, mass-murderer, ignored her. Even though she herself was a young, psychopathic, mass-murder... to animals, not humans. Odd that the vampire only killed animals, the the human killed humans.

Alice ignored his reaction and took it. After a few tries in her visions of the future, she figured out how to use the devise. She had always wanted to see Edward as a human. It wasn't fair that he was the oldest of them, and he could get photos of them to see what they (Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet, Carlisle, Esme, and herself) looked like as humans. It was also an entertaining ideal for her that she, the teller of the future, would go into the past. She set the date to June 20, 1910. Then she pressed a few buttons and they were in Chicago, because the time machine was also a teleporter.

Everyone felt their cells get rearranged.

Edward didn't like what was happening. He would be scared for death by Emmett.

"Happy Birthday, dear Edward; Happy Birthday to you!" A group of children a some parents of the kids sang.

10-year-old Edward blew out the candles.

The people of the future were standing in the trees. The people at the party didn't notice their arrival.

After opening some gifts, his parents went into the house. They came back out in seconds with a puppy. It had a red bow tied around its neck (that's what the cover artiest for Eclipse was thinking).

Misa, Alice, Rosalie and Alex gasped "Awww! Isn't it cute?"

"You never told us that you got an adorable puppy, Edward," said Rosalie was seemed to like all things cute.

"Very interesting time and space device, Light," L noted in a gothily, "7%"

"Will you shut up, L? Those percentages are lies! And it annoys me that you bother to bring them up! You just say them to test me."

"Light! Misa is going to get a puppy!" Misa said, "Tell L that I can!"

Light looked from Misa to L.

"No." L said.

"Why not?" Misa started. She was acting like a child.

"You may be Kira and put a biological weapon in the animal so that it wouldn't be detected, then direct said animal to a particular room and denote it."

"Misa wouldn't blow up a puppy!" Misa cried, "And if I wanted to kill you I would find a better way?"

"For example?" L said. There was nothing that Light could do to stop Misa from talking, except kill her, but that would be suspicious, so he pretended that they weren't there.

"I could shoot you," she suggested, "Or I could pour arsnic into your drink, stab you, or strangle you. I guess I could tell Mello that you're Near dressed up as L."

"She doesn't seem like someone who could kill," Matt with his orange goggles came over. "That's like saying sweet Alice, or beautiful Rosalie could kill."

"They're leaving to go inside now,"

Alex whistled a tune to get human-Edward's attention. It worked. 10 year-old Edward looked around and walked into the trees. He saw Alice who took a photo of him. Little Edward blinked from the flash, and the people from the future were gone by the time human-Edward got his vision back.

"Alex and Alice!" Edward murmured. He was in mental pain because he remembered that flash from the camera from the past, and read his young-self's mind from then, then he went back into the future and it was all this confusing mental-stuff.


	18. Physiologist

Briefing:

Mello was not happy because he was a hard person to please, therefore he was rarely truly happy. He was also frighting when he was happy because that meant that someone else was most likely not happy. And when you're not happy, the person you're most likely to hate is the happiest person.

Alex the normal human was a very happy person. Not only had she undergone a time and space trip, but she had also met many of her favorite characters from her favorite books.

That's why Mello wanted to murder Alex. But he wanted to murder her in a creative way, because L was creative and he wanted to be like L.

Edward was reading Mello's mind and knew that he wasn't in the right state of mind.

Back to the story:

Since they had missed many classes, and damaged some school property, they were sent to the guidance counselor. The guidance councilor was a woman named Ms. Arik.

"I see that there have been issues, children," Ms. Arik said in her syrupy voice, "That's not good!"

"We're not in the right classes." Near explained, "We should be in a higher level class."

"We'll kiddos," she had a perpetual talking-to-a-child-tone, "I don't think you're able to be a harder class. Your grades reflect that."

"We have only been in each class once," Edward tried to convince her.

"Dearies, I personally don't think that it's best to change classes. Maybe you should have thought about that before choosing classes."

"I had no choose in the matter," L said. The rest of them nodded or agreed in some way.

"I think you are deeply troubled, little ones," she said and sighed very quickly, "I have a friend who's a physiologist. He may be able to further help you." Ms. Arik wrote an address to them, "I'll give him a call right now."

They didn't seem to comprehend her.

"Good bye and God be with you." She said.

"He already is!" Misa blurted.

The went to the psychologist. (For a fanfiction author of Twilight and Death Note a psychologist is ideal though it maybe unrealistic.)

The psychologist was Dr. Owtarik. He was a decent, intelligent man who wore glasses.

"Are you are...?" Dr. Owtarik asked.

Alice, Jasper, Edward, Emmett, Rosalie, Near, Mello, Matt, L, Light, Misa, and Alex told him. Ryuk was floating around invisible to everyone but Light, and Edward who could kind of see him through Light's mind.

"I heard that Shea, Savvanah, Ashley and Isabella Swan died. Is that correct?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Does that... unsettle you?"

"Not too much," one of the vampires replied for their family.

"It's terrible, but it's part of life so I accept it," Light/Kira said.

"Misa thinks it's OK!" Misa/KiraTwo said.

"It does not affect me." L said.

"... left, oh, pedestrian move! They died! 2,000 points per person..." Matt calculated from his car game.

The doctor made a note of this. Then he asked them, "Then what are your hobbies?"

Edward was bored of the doctor. He knew what he was thinking, so he answered truthfully, "I used to watch Bella Swan sleep."

The other vampires took this as an OK to mess with the doctor.

"I like to manipulate people." Jasper said.

"I love dressing up as a bride." Rosalie said.

"I think that I can lift up real trains," Emmett said.

Then Alice said, "I like to bet."

The doctor looked confused, "What do you like to bet?"

"My life," she shrugged.

"What about you?" The doctor indicated the others.

"I like hanging around with them." Alex told him.

"I solve puzzles." Near said. L said something like that too.

"I envision the future." Light replied.

"Misa-Misa loves Light!"

"I like beating Near." Mello said.

Dr. Owtarik looked to Matt and asked him.

"Uh... Die! Die! Die! 80,000 points... I like games."

The doctor looked around the group, "Is there anything that bothers you about anyone else who's in this group?"

"Near." Mello said immediately.

"Why is that?"

"Uh..." Mello licked the bar of chocolate and thought, "He's a sheep."

"True that." Emmett agreed.

"How so?" The doctor inquired.

"He doesn't respond to anything."

The doctor snapped his fingers, and Near continued what he was doing, which was playing with a 20 by 20 rubrics cube. Dr. Owtarik took a pile of books and dropped them with no response.

"Near?" The doctor asked. This got his attention an he looked up, "Do you suffer from ackey joints, sadness, or thoughts of suicide?"

"I don't know."

"Do you see the glass as half full or half empty?"

"If you mean as an analogy, I can picture a glass that's 50% filled."

"Can you elaborate as if it were half empty or full?"

"I see the glass as half there: one out of two. Two out of four. Three out of six... or if you have two parts it is only one. You're trying to find out if I have depression, and I don't."

"Now, Light. You seem quiet over there," he turned to Misa, "Does anything bother you? Anything at all?"

He was going to say Misa, but replied: "No."

"Oh yes stuff bothers you, Light!" Misa sang, "Like humanity!"

"Is that true?" the doctor asked.

"No, she's lying." Light said.

"Am not!"

Dr, Owtarik knew that they had a relationship problem, so he asked them about it.

"Well, Misa loves Light and would do anything for him!" Misa said.

Light only had to say, "She's nice."

He asked them how they met.

"Well, with Misa's great eyes, Misa knew that Light was her destiny!"

Eyes? Destiny? The doctor thought. "Can you elaborate?"

"Misa met a nice friend who helped her see Kir-Light!" Misa said. "Then she met L! But he won't tell Misa his name! It's very annoying!"

"L, is that your name?"

"No." L said.

"Would you mind telling us your real name? It may help."

"Yes, I would mind."

The doctor sighed. L had self-confidence issues. It was common with young people these days with the media brainwashing them into thinking that they had to be a certain way. "Do you think that you are effected by peer pressure?"

L thought, I only have two friends, and I suspect them of being Kira; therefore their actions strongly effect mine in the Kira case. So L answered "yes".

Just as the doctor had thought. He wasn't confident as himself so he used a nickname.

"Please tell us your name."

"It's Ryuzaki." He lied.

"He's lying!" Misa said, "He told us to call him that as a fake name!"

L wondered how Light could put up with her. Light doesn't like her, and the reason that they are together is because Light is Kira 1, and he uses her. But why? The eyes?

Still trying to find a logical way to help L, he asked, "If you cannot tell us about your name, then can you tell us about your childhood?" The goal was to get information about his real life.

L could not tell the doctor about his childhood for it would reveal information about L's identity, which could be used to find his name, given to Kira, and the case would end because Light would become L before Near or Mello. 8%. L was silent.

Dr. Owtarik noticed that the Cullens and Hales (and L, but he didn't feel like trying to help him) had the symptoms of little sleep. They had circles around their eyes, pale skin, and seemed easy to aggravate- as if they could hurt you. "Do you get 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night?"

The vampires told him "no".

"We're insomnics, doctor," Rosalie informed him.

"That's not good..." he took a note, "What keeps you up at night?"

"Truthfully, I'm not quite sure," Edward said.

Then Edward tried not to laugh when he read Alice's mind.

"I see things, doctor," Alice said.

"What... types of things do you see?"

"Things that don't happen yet."

"Is there anything else I should know?"

"Yes. I used to be in a asylum. They drugged me and cut my hair."

She's dangerous! The doctor thought.

She's not the only one, Edward thought.

Alex the normal non-fiction human had spent the last few minutes putting in crimson contact lenses and plastic fangs. She waved to the doctor and smiled.

"You see," Edward said to get the doctor's attention, "We are all quite fine."

Dr. Owtarik saw Edward right after seeing Alex. Eyes. Fangs. Then there was Edward who looked somewhat like a... but it couldn't be.

DYR (Do You Remember): Mello wanting to murder Alex.

During this time, Mello had been thinking. He had convinced Misa that Light wanted Alex dead. That was enough reason for Misa. She didn't question and wrote Alex's name in her Death Note.

It wasn't very creative, but it was more creative then shooting her.

"Hey normal human," Mello called out to Alex form across the room.

Alex turned around and asked him "what?".

Then Alex had a heart attack. It killed her and she disapeared so she couldn't be seen.

Since normal non-fictional people cannot be killed by the Death Note, Alex turned into a Shinigami. It was cool too. She got the abilities of a contortionist and was invisible to anyone who she wanted to be invisible to.

READ THIS BECAUSE I SPENT PRECIOUS TIME TO WRITING The Ultimate Fictional World. AUTHOR'S NOTE: Don't expect other chapters to be this long.


	19. Hospital Intermission

I DO NOT OWN: Twilight, Death Note, or House.

Twilight and Death Note doesn't show up much in this chapter. This is for the person who's seen the show House MD.

Dr. Owtarik stood up from his leather chair and told anyone to dial 911. Alex seemed dead. Like, really wear-black-to-funeral-dead. He eyes were still open though and dilated. Dr. Owtarik then thought, and came to conclude that driving to the nearest walk in hospital would be quickest, so the patients and him dragged Alex's dying body to a car and the fictional characters drove to a large British style place that looked more like a mansion than a hospital. A nurse ushered one of them to put Alex on a rolling bed, and the nurse wheeled her to a room, calling for a doctor.

A group of doctors in white coats examined her, though they were incompetent to do anything by themselves, and called for there leader doctor.

"What is it this time?" a man in his forties limped into the room with a cane.

"Good you're here, House." An incompetent doctor with blond hair started.

"She's not breathing, her heart has no beat, and she's turning cold. We don't know it is." A female doctor with overly long and straightened hair explained.

"We were thinking about taking a sample of her lungs, though it would be risky." Another incompetent doctor told House.

Another man walked briskly into the room. "House, I'm sure what's wrong with her."

"And what would that be, ice-cold, pale skinned, too young Carsile?" House said sarcastically.

"I would prefer to have this patient to ensure the safety of her life..." Carsile continued.

"OK..." House rolled his eyes, "You deal with her."

Then L went into cardiac arrest.

Someone shouted, "Nurse! Doctor! We need someone now!""

An hour later, L woke up bleary eyed. The doctors were talking...

"I took a blood sample, it's doesn't look good. He has an excess of pherodominlinebla."

"He's showing signs of heart failure."

"He may have mold in his house."

"Go break into his house and search." House instructed that doctor who breaks into pacients houses.

"Jaracookalism-Aeriaphema disease?" Another doctor suggested.

"Misa, would you be so kind as to let go of my arm?" Edward asked Misa.

"...Misa..." House thought, "Misa, miso, a Japanese flavor, Japanese flag has a red circle, blood is red, blood and needles, which people fear so they have a phobia, bia... bia + s = bias, bias of race, race as in running, you run on your feet, a feet is a foot, and a foot is 12 inches, 12... 1, 2... 2,1... 2 - 1 = 1... there is one moon orbiting Earth, Earth is over 75% water, water is the key ingredient to soda, soda has sugar... he's suffering for sugar overdose!" House said, then walked out of the room muttering about his electric guitar.

AUTHOR'S OPINION: It bothers me that people have over a hundred "Favorite Stories", so if one story is a "Favorite", it doesn't mean as much.


	20. House

I DO NOT OWN: Twilight, Death Note, House, or Artemis Fowl.

So Alex died. But L lived.

Edward had left to his car to listen to Debussey.

One of the incompetent doctors ran out of the room but hit Jasper because he's emo so he always stands by the doorway ready to leave first. The doctor gasped and called House. Then he asked Jasper to go to a room and sit on an examination table without Alice in the room.

After leaving him, the doctor returned with some other female doctor and House.

"His skin is cold," the doctor explained, "Dry ice cold. I think he maybe sick."

The female doctor noticed that his skin was pale white.

"Hm." House wondered, his eyes wondering the room, then he looked at Jasper and squinted. Suddenly, the emotional roller coaster feeling drained out of everyone replaced by a relaxing calm.

House ate a painkiller.

"House..." the female doctor said.

"What?" House said. Then he ate a few more pills. Walking to a small white board set upon an eisle, he began writting: ice cold skin, pale, looks creepy. Then House didn't move.

Behind him, the first doctors asked, "What is it?"

The female doctor said, "Tell us."

Then the first doctor was annoyed and said, "Just say it. Out loud."

House, with his back still turned to them, limped to hold the easile and spun around vampire-speed to bring the eisle down upon Jasper before he could react.

Jasper didn't flinch. He was unharmed.

"You're dead," House mused, not in a right state, "You're..."

The female doctor gasped, "A corspe!"

"No, intern. Females should know where they belong on the evolution pyramid, so shut up. He's a vampire." House said.

And being Jasper, he quickly killed everyone in the room. Then he got Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Light, L, Misa, Matt, Mello and Near to leave the hospital premesis. Edward was in the car already, fuming at Jasper for revieling their secret. And killing innocent humans. But House was never that innocent.

"So you are vampire." L simply said.

"If it makes you stop staring at me, then yes." said Rosalie.

"Hmmm... 4%."

"That's not very special," Misa complained, the vampire turned to her, "You don't have fangs, and you don't wear capes. Do you at least burn in the sun?"

"No, they sparkle." Near answered for them.

"How did he know?" Emmett said.

"He's just special like that. He could probably explain how he knows to you, but you wouldn't understand," said Mello who had figured that out a few years ago.

Then Alice stared ahead, looking into the future.

Edward read her mind an tightly clutched the stearing-wheel.

"What is it?" Mello asked, looking from Edward to freaky Alice.

Still dazed and confused (Led Zepplin referance), Alice said, "A boy, a man, and a fairie... They comming."

"Let's hope we're not too late--" Emmett was interupted by the car stopping.

A moment later, they heard a boy around 14 say in an Irish accent, "Well what do we have here?"

A large and fit man wearing a suit, bullet-prof vest, reflective sunglasses and a very big automatic weapon appeared aiming at them.

Mello pulled out a gun immediatly and swore.

"Genius," the boy, L, Light and Near said in unison.

The boy's eyes flickered, memorizing every face.

And Near said, "Artemis Fowl."

The boy Artemis raised an eyebrow thinking How did that young person know?

Mello thought How does Near know everything?

Misa smiled, "I love magic tricks!"

Holly the short, police fairie can to view, fingers outstretched. She had magically made the car stop.

Jasper breathed in... fairie sent... and he really quickly ran to suck Holly's blood. Holly magically made herself alive again and blue sparks appeared around her. Jasper just sucked more of her blood.

Butler, the large, fit and dangerous man had opened a car door and grabbed Near, holding him hostage. Rosalie went into mad rage and killed Bulter then and there which left Artemis all to himself.

You didn't need to be a genius to realize that the people in the car were deadly, so he gladly obeyed Edward's command to "get into the car". It was a SUV.

Artemis sat in between Light and Rosalie (who got back into the car).

"Does anyone have handcuffs or should I just knot this arms together behind him?" Emmet asked.

"There's no need," Light said, "He's sitting next to the most deadly people in the world."

"8%"

"How are you deadly?" Jasper asked, in a slightly more positive mood after drinking fairie blood.

"Light-bulb can kill!" Misa chirped.

"Isn't he cute?" Rosalie asked Misa.

"Oh yes! He's kawaii like Misa-Misa!"


	21. Ticked Off

I DO NOT OWN: Twilight, Death Note, or Artemis Fowl.

Artemis Fowl looked at everyone in the car, capturing everything on his contact-lense-camera. He smiled an evil smile. Light Yagami (Lightbulb) saw that and thought, He's up to something... That smile...

"That doctor was sketchy. Misa Misa didn'ted like him!" Misa said.

Edward Cullen, who was perfect, said in a low, but auditable, threatening voice, "You should take about yourself in first person, and didn'ted is not a word."

Jessica, Bella's friend from Twilight, was in a car driving by the group in the SUV.

L took one look at her and asked Edward to pull over and make Jessica do so too.

Jessica got out of the car and said, "Oh, hi, Edward! I haven't--"

"Bang," said L, squirting her with a water-gun.

Jessica screamed. She was melting.

"She was a witch." L said simply.

They drove on.

This is why they were still together: Misa Misa was absolutly head over heals by Edward's existance, and Light couldn't leave Misa at the moment, so L, Mello, and Near couldn't leave, so Rosalie couldn't leave Near. Emmett had to stay with Rosalie. The vampires couldn't kill the humans, and Kira/Light/Lightbulb couldn't murder the vampires because they're vampires. Alice, well, she loved the action, so Jasper stayed with her. Ryuk was there because Light was there, and he had to stay by him or else he would've been toretured by the Death-God-King. Artemis was there against his will.

Something had to give.

It was Mello.

He didn't like this... being with everyone. Like Near, who was nearby.

"I can't stand this anymore." Mello said. Everyone in the SUV listened to him.

"Go shoot yourself," Jasper said. For he was in a war, even though he was only a drummer boy.

"I want a fight, Kira." Mello told Light.

"Hmm?" Light looked around him, "I'm not Kira!"

"Yeah... Kira?"

"Yes."

"Then Near." Mello looked at Near.

Mello took a needle out and stuck it into Near's arm, then pressed down to inject the chemical.

Near didn't do much.

"You and your stupid puzzles." Mello began, "I want ot fight. You've never done anything, you inhumane freak."

"I..." Near said, rubbing the spot where he'd been shot. Near gave Mello a I-know-what-you-did-look-and-I-don't-like-it-look.

"What a name too, Near. Do you know anyone called Close or After? You're nothing but a sheep, no, less than that. You can't do anything yourself."

Emmett had motioned Rosalie to not intervene. It would be good for the sucker to do something for once.

"Come on, I bet you can't even punch." Mello taunted. He had injected Near with a large ammount of adrenalin and Near knew it.

Near glared at him. Near held one of his metal robots and chucked it at Mello's head. Mello, who dodged it, continued taunting. They were on the highway driving at god knows what speed (Light knew it was 104 miles per hour). For the most part, Mello had reached a breaking point in dealing with Near, even though he was cute. After a few missed kicks, Near punched Mello in the face, then Near's eye's weld up. He pulled his hand back and tears dripped down. He had broken a bone.


	22. Genius

I DO NOT OWN: Twilight, Death Note, or Artemis Fowl.

The geniuses were thinking.

Near: _It can be concluded that this is the real L through the process of elimination that there is no other L. This Light Yagami seems to have a dark side…_

L: _Light Yagami is Kira. Little actions, such as responding to when someone says "Oh my god"…_

Light Yagami: _L and Near think I'm Kira. Part of it is from me responding when Rosalie said "Oh my god"…_

Artemis Fowl: _The man in the white shirt and jeans has similar qualities to the child wearing white, and the girl who's wearing leather. They could not be genetically related, because…_

Mello: _F-ing Artemis Fowl must think I'm a girl. Everyone thinks I'm a girl._

"You're as beautiful as the time stream," Artemis muttered, dazed from looking at Rosalie.

Rosalie thought to herself, _Take that, Bella! At least she's dead!_

"Do you own a Burn Book (Mean Girls, the book you write people names who you hate)?" Misa asked Rosalie, making fun of her mean-ness that was not unlike the Mean Girls.

"No," she answered.

"She doesn't need one," Jasper said under his breath. Rosalie glared at him.

"Why?" Rosalie said sarcastically, "Do you have one?"

"Umm." Misa quickly looked at Light and back at Rosalie, "No. Kind of. I mean, no."

Artemis looked around the SUV to get video to the LepRecon. Holly the fairy and some other officer fairies were flying in the air a few yards away.

Jasper breathed. Vampires have a great sense of smell.

And the fairies were dead in a minute.

"I'm bored," Alice Cullen said, "Does anyone want to do anything? We've been in this car for so long," Alice said in her sing-song voice, "You don't have a life." She pointed to L.

"1 a**:** the quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body b**:** a principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings c**:** an organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism…" L quoted, "I am all of those. You, are not."

"I don't have a life?" Alice wondered, "And this is coming from _you_?"

"You are a vampire, Ms. Cullen. Therefore, you are dead and have no life."

"In the… modern lingo sense, you don't. You don't do anything. You live in alone in a room with a computer. Geek."

"Geek?" L said. Then he tried to think of a witty comeback. He didn't know that Artemis already had a little book that he always carried with him of witty comebacks.

"Who do you think you are, a genius?" Artemis said, a dark smile.

"Yes. I do consider myself a—" L began, but Artemis cut him off.

"Not you, her."

"I'm pretty much a genius. I've been through college 18 times." Alice said.

"Going through college does not define 'genius'. A genius is: extraordinary intellectual power especially as manifested in creative activity b**:** a person endowed with transcendent mental superiority ; _especially_ **:** a person with a very high IQ. You scored a 150 on your IQ test. A genius must score a least—"

"How do _you_ know?!" Alice said.

Light was provoked by L talking again. He punched L. "Shut up, _genius_."

L started bleeding, and tried to fight back, but they were in an SUV.

Jasper smelled blood and climbed really fast to L to eat him.

Edward tried to stop Jasper, and stopped driving to stop him.

Everyone moved.

Everything moved.

Including the SUV.

The car was on an old bridge just then, and the movement broke through the wooden bridge. Down, down, down…

"We're 147 whole f-ing degrees downwards!" Mello screamed, "At this rate, we'll hit the ground in 8.9 seconds from the bridge!"

They crashed, and Near, then final sheep/lamb, died.

They buried him near Bella, the other lamb.

The eulogy ended with Mello saying, "And Near, who was never near, but who's f-ing voice was near, was too near to the ground, was finally not only near the end—he met his end."

Rosalie would have shed a tear if she were human.


	23. End

I DO NOT OWN: Twilight, Death Note, or Artemis Fowl.

Then it was December 12, 2012, and the world ended. Everyone died, and the vampires turned to dust when the inercia of Earth stopped and they were flung into mountains.

The End

Author's Note: I've realized that The Ultimate Fictional World spun away from the type of humor I want. The story ran out of juice or whatever. It got harder and harder to write something mildly realistic. It's ironic that people found my humor funny; I'm more serious and non-talkative in person, an honor's student.

Thanks: Thanks for everyone who's read and everyone who's commented. Thank you LawlietxRinoa (aka. SavvyLovesYaoi).

I got the idea from The Epic Movie.


	24. Woody Allen

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Death Note, Twilight, Catcher In the Rye or Woody Allen.

So let's go back in time a little before the world ended...

"Do you drink blood?" L asked Edward.

"That's personal." Edward answered.

"Yeah, we do." Alice said.

"Do you have fangs?" L asked.

"No."

"Live in coffins?"

"No."

"Have you ever had an accent?"

"Besides Edward's British accent, no." Emmett said.

"Do you wear capes?"

"No, I usually wear Prada." Alice said.

"Have you ever done drugs?"

"No." Edward responded quickly.

"You're lying. You're over a century old, you've murdered countless animals, and people, and you make that _ostentatious_ quote: you're like my own brand of heroin." L explained all very calmly.

"What did you say?" Holden Claulfield asked.

L turned to Holden, "You'rer like my own brand of heroin."

"Oh, I prefer smoking." Holden said.

"Are you Holden Claudfield, 17, six feet, 140 pounds, New York, 546-2661?" L asked.

"How do you know?"

"You don't want to know," Alice interjected, "But I'll tell you anyways: even though L's 23 years old, he's spent his life in a room with a computer, eating sugar and thinking. He has less of a life than me."

"Boy. You need to get a drink and meet some... friends." Holden said.

"That's a great idea!" Alice said.

"L has a good idea?!" Misa skipped over to them, "What is it?!"

"A good idea... that's new." Jasper said. Alice had recently bought him new clothes, all from Hot Topic. He looked like an emo-wannabe poser. Especially with the eyeliner.

"I hate life." Holden complained.

"Want me to bite you?" Alice asked.

"This place is like the Can. Anyone have a drink?" Holden said.

"What type of drink?" Rosalie asked, she wasn't sure if Holden was a vampire. He _was_ pale, didn't act his age and seemed depressed. Or maybe it was a teenager. She couldn't tell.

"Is he... okay?" Holden meant Light Yagami.

"No, not really. He has it in his head that he's god." Alice explained.

"No! I'm like a shinigami." Light said.

"What's the difference?" Holden asked.

"Japanese." L almost shrugged.

Then Woody Allen walked in.

"H-hi, I'm Woody, the-the teacher." Woody Allen looked at Light, "What is he? An anti-Semite?"

"What does that mean to-you?" Light shot at him.

"You see, they always call me that! Jew! Chou! Jew!" Woody said, "You all look like a bunch of Santa Monica Democrats, jeeze, I thought this was a private school. You're all corpses."

Rosalie stared at him and whispered, "What did you say?"

"Uh, uh, uh, corpses, dead people, you'know. Do you want to get a drink?"

"Would I ever." She eyed his hand, because Stephanie Meyer vampires bite hands, not necks, but you would think they would go or the neck because that's where the important veins are.

"Are you afraid of dying?" Emmett asked Woody.

"No, I'm not. 'I just don't want to be there when it happens.'" Woody said (quote belongs to Woody Allen).

"You are strange." L said to him.

"Me?" Woody walked away form the 6 foot vampires to see L. "You look like anti-Semite."


End file.
